


Rain Comes to Night Vale

by ImprobableDreams900



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Angst, Attempted Murder, BAMF Cecil, Brainwashing, Conspiracy, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, M/M, Mild Language, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Amnesia, Welcome to Night Vale News Program Format, Whump, mild descriptions of blood/violence, possible major character death (no spoilers here!)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-24 22:11:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 33,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2598260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImprobableDreams900/pseuds/ImprobableDreams900
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carlos investigates the mysterious rain cloud just outside town that seems to be driving people insane. Meanwhile, Cecil may have stumbled upon StrexCorp's nefarious plan for Night Vale...but will he and Carlos be able to stop it before the cloudburst?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which it is very hot for a desert and Cecil and Carlos decide to go on a date

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a sort of alternate finale to the Old Oak Doors series (I had the idea before I listened to OOD). So it's two years in, and StrexCorp is beginning to showing its true colors.

Dancing under rainbows. Bridges of light that lead you nowhere. They are deceitful things. Do not believe in rainbows, listeners. Rainbows do not exist. The sky does not exist. Do you even exist? I am not so sure. Welcome to Night Vale.

 

….%%....%%....%%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

….%%....%%....%%

 

Welcome to yet another beautiful day, Night Vale citizens. Do you feel welcome? Some days I don't feel welcome. Some days Khoshekh just turns aside and doesn't want to let me pet him when I come into the office in the morning. What a shame. For a cat floating in the men's restroom, you would think he'd be less picky about who pets him.

 

Starting off with the news, you may have noticed a larger than usual concentration of yellow helicopters flying over the Old Green Bridge on the edge of town. You know the Old Green Bridge-- that curved wooden span of planks reaching up in a whimsical semi-circle and touching back down approximately twenty feet from where it started, with nothing underneath it but regular glowing red sand? It was painted forest green a long time ago, but the paint is now peeling and showing the wood underneath. Recently some of the Boy Scouts looking to become Eternal Scouts made it a project of theirs to repaint it, but when they came back yesterday to finish the job with a second coat, the paint was peeling again. Or, rather, it appeared they never HAD painted the bridge the first time, and it was the same old paint peeling. You never quite know with bridges. For reasons unknown and, statistically speaking, most probably nefarious, a group of seven yellow helicopters are now circling above the Old Green Bridge. StrexCorp has asked me to remind you that yellow helicopters are totally safe, but it would probably be better if you crossed a bridge to nowhere somewhere else.

 

Night Vale Public High School will be holding a potluck this evening for anyone interested in discussing the merits of Homicidal Mathematics over a nice plate of turkey and mashed soul potatoes. The Night Vale Public School system already teaches Fratricidal Mathematics in elementary school, as dictated by county charter, and it has been shown to reduce overpopulation and help weed out those children not suited to the Public School system. Homicidal Mathematics would be a new high school course introduced into the mandatory curriculum this upcoming fall, where it would replace Trigonometry in the Prison System. Trigonometry in the Prison System has been deemed an obsolete course anyway, because Night Vale has not had a prison since the Great Purge over twenty years ago. Besides, here in Night Vale we all get along so well, we don’t need prisons anyway. They’re just an economic strain and it’s such a hassle to electrify and insure all those barbed wire fences, dwarven stone doors, and Chinese torture bamboo sprouts. For more information, or if you would like to recommend a new mathematics course to replace Trigonometry in the Prison System, please attend the potluck tonight when the moon has reached its second apex, or leave a bloodstained, otherwise blank piece of paper at the feet of the statue of Nimrod the Great outside the Night Vale High School.

 

It may have caught your attention that today is very hot. Hotter than usual for a desert, where we usually experience a balmy 68.5 degrees Fahrenheit all year round. This heat is abnormal, though to be expected when someone leaves the toaster on even after their toast is ready. The City Council has asked by way of carrier pigeon and telepathy that I stress to you the importance of turning off all your kitchen appliances AS SOON as you are done with them. “We’re lucky,” Mayor Pamela Winchell said in a press conference yesterday, “that this time it was only a toaster. In the future, it may be a dishwasher, or a blender, or, worse yet...a _refrigerator_.” She said this last word in a hushed tone and with a glance over her shoulder at the solid brick and duct tape wall behind her. Everyone attending the press conference gasped and fell very quiet while they awaited Mayor Pamela Winchell's punishment for saying the word. As expected, a bolt of lightning came down from the clear sky and turned the podium Pamela was standing next to into a charred piece of wood. It was taken as a very good omen that the lightning chose to spare Mayor Pamela Winchell’s life. You may wonder how I have been able to say the word of that particular unholy appliance on the air and am still alive, but I would draw your attention to Article 10 Section 48b of the Constitutional Agreement on Kitchen Appliances, which is part of the Night Vale City Charter, and which clearly states that the name of that particular appliance may be stated without consequence if it is being used as part of a quotation.

 

And now: traffic.

 

Yellow diamonds. Pink diamonds. _Blue_ diamonds. Diamonds are everywhere. There are some very near you right now. Stop-- don’t look. Never look for the diamonds. Diamonds don’t exist. Diamonds are a lie. I told you to stop looking. But if you do look, make sure you pluck the purple ones. They’ll last the longest before they shrivel. And whatever you do, DON’T TOUCH THE WHITE ONES. They definitely don’t exist, and especially not in Night Vale. Night Vale is a safe community, despite the presence of a certain looming corporation that owns yellow helicopters, but shall remain nameless.

 

This has been...traffic.

 

Now a quick look at the Community Calen--

 

_beep. beep. balaleepleep._

 

Ooh! Sorry, listeners. A quick personal aside, if you would. Carlos-- brave, gorgeous, handsome Carlos-- has just texted me. He writes: “Hey Cecil, I hear there’s a special going on at Big Rico’s this weekend. Some sort of special wheat-free pizza spheres. Wanna go?” Smiley face.

 

Ohhhhhhh, isn’t this just adddoooorable, listeners? Carlos just asked me out on a date! We’ve been going steady for a couple months now, but I still feel all...ahahahahah whenever he asks. I hope all you gorgeous listeners out there get a Carlos of your own. Figuratively. Not a copy of Carlos. If there was a copy of Carlos, he would be mine. Not yours. Never yours. All aspects of Carlos are mine.

 

…

 

Aaaaanyway, isn’t he cuuutteeee? I’ll text him back quick; station management is giving me a look through the glass that very clearly says ‘get back to work Cecil or we’ll slit your throat while you sleep.’ Ha ha, we all get looks like that, er... I really hope he isn’t listening to the broadcast. There he goes. So… texting Carlos… “lol of course!” three exclamation marks “but why wait? We could go tonight AND this weekend” Big Rico’s is, of course, right next to Carlos’ laboratory, so it’s no big deal for him...smiley face! Send. Ahhh, listeners, there’s nothing better than going out to pizza with your boyfriend. And I haven’t gone to Big Rico’s yet this week and I need to go before the weekend or I’ll be in defiance of City Council ordinance.

 

Getting back to work, here’s the Community Calendar.

 

Tomorrow is Organic Art Day, and children and adults alike are encouraged to hang paintings of bones, flesh, and rotting trees outside their doors and windows. Any doors or windows not covered with paintings of organic art are subject to the law and Night Vale cannot be held liable for any damages done by something passing through empty doors and windows. Painting your shutters red and calling it abstract blood is NOT enough to qualify as organic art. The best paintings will be awarded prizes in the form of Night Vale Community Dollars and coupons for the Night Vale Public Library.

 

This Saturday, it is scheduled to rain. StrexCorp is sponsoring this rain and would like me to tell you that rain is a beautiful thing. They encourage you to take your children, parents, and friends to the Night Vale City Center at midday to stand in the rain. Let it wash over you, and feel secure in the knowledge that you will not have to take a shower on Saturday. Rain is a great way to freshen up, and should be experienced by everyone. It is a crime to not attend.

 

This has been the Community Calendar.

 

And now a word from our sponsor StrexCorp, which has asked me to remind you that this Saturday is also the first anniversary of StrexCorp being part of our “lovely little town.” Exactly a year ago StrexCorp first came into our lives when a small fleet of yellow helicopters with a triangular orange logo featuring the capital letter S on their sides flew over town, dropping pamphlets explaining their organization. The word from our sponsor StrexCorp is this:

 

Going somewhere? Coming somewhere? Why am I asking you questions? I already know the answer. You know I know the answer. So why bother communicating at all? It’s just pointless. Look to your left. I see what you see. It is getting closer. Shrink back. You cannot. Look to your right-- oh. Too late. Goodbye. I guess you didn’t see that coming. Obviously not, I already knew that. How do you feel about fate? Fate feels an awful lot about you. You’re very messy. I’m sorry-- _were_ very messy. Well, you’re still messy now, I suppose, but in a different sense of the word.

 

This message brought to you by StrexCorp.

 

Carlos hasn’t gotten back to me yet. Oh well, he’s probably doing sciency things. Carlos is such a good scientist. I could never be a scientist. Don’t have the temperament, I suppose. I was really cut out for radio, you know? I’m so glad that black van pulled up in front of my house so long ago, opened to reveal a group of masked figures that threw a bag over my head, drove me around in circles, and then dumped me here at the radio station. Well...actually...I can’t remember that. Ever know you did something but can’t remember doing it for the life of you? … Like turning the stove off or locking the padlock on your chest of perishable worldly goods?...Hmm, that _is_ strange.

 

_scratch scratch_

 

...Well, I’m sure it happened, and I’m grateful it did.

 

Hoping you’re remembering everything you should and not remembering everything you shouldn’t (because sometimes there are things you aren’t supposed to remember), I take you, as ever,

 

to the Weather.

 

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfMmeBcAq7I>

 

Welcome back, listeners. Something...I found something strange over the break. I was looking at next week on the Community Calendar, to see about a possible time to take Carlos bowling in case the pizza thing didn’t work out, and...StrexCorp supplies the Community Calendars now because they've taken over station management and...you know, that is--

 

_beep. beep. balaleepleep._

 

Oh! Carlos finally texted me back. He says, and I quote, “Tonight works great, Cecil. Will meet you there at six…” oooh!...and then some other things I probably shouldn’t say on public radio. Hehe.

 

Well, listeners, sorry to bid you bon voyage so soon, but Carlos awaits! Oooh, I should go back to my apartment to change...Tell you what, though, listeners! You’ll be hearing from me again tomorrow, same time, as part of a special broadcast series given every day for the next few days. Just playing around with some different formats.

 

So, until tomorrow, good people of Night Vale, stay safe and make sure you get your paintings of organic art ready for tomorrow and hung before midnight tonight, as per City Ordinance. Stay tuned for the sound of a graffiti artist drawing a light bulb on a brick wall. Until then; good night, Night Vale. Goodnight.


	2. In which Carlos and Cecil's date is a disaster and Happy Organic Art Day!

Cars take you places. Actually, they don't. You have never gone places. Places go to you. Isn't it nice, being able to sit back and watch places come and go? You must feel like a king some days. Don't. If they sense you being haughty, all the places will leave and then you will be no place at all. Welcome to Night Vale.

 

….%%....%%....%%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Welcome to another hot, blustery morning in Night Vale, listeners. And happy Organic Art day! I must confess that for me it is not a very happy Organic Art day at all. My date with Carlos last night was a disaster.

 

Sure, I got to Big Rico’s on time, and Carlos was there, smiling, with his perfect hair and perfect face and perfect coat. Such an innocent start. Once inside, though, the wait staff messed up our order. Carlos very clearly ordered the medium-sized bowl of stewed tomatoes, which is one of the few foods currently served at Big Rico’s ever since the new law banning wheat and wheat by-products went into effect. I, not wanting to seem greedy or gluttonous, also ordered a medium-sized dish, but I got the melted cheese wad. Then we had a very pleasant conversation about something I can’t remember, but I do remember Carlos’ very pretty eyes.

 

Anyway, we were having a grand time until the shadowy hooded figure that was our waiter came back with a medium-sized bowl of stewed tomatoes for Carlos and a PIZZA wad for me. Not a CHEESE wad, but a PIZZA wad, mind. The shadowy waiter floated off before I could realize the mistake, enraptured as I was in Carlos’ eyes, and I didn’t want to ruin the shadowy figure’s day by telling it it had messed up our orders. And the pizza wad was not very wad-like either. Too regular. So I think I got served the pizza sphere instead, the pizza sphere being the special for this weekend. Carlos felt bad about them messing up my order, though, and offered to swap. I don’t think he was looking forward to his stewed tomatoes very much, so I agreed.

 

Then, a medium-sized bowl of stewed tomatoes and an incorrectly-ordered pizza sphere later, we were heading back to his apartment. His laboratory, as you know, is right next to Big Rico’s, but his apartment is a ways off, so we took a nice slow walk through Night Vale, stopping to look at boarded up shop windows and admire the evening sky. Once we were at Carlos’ apartment, he produced some wine, but I told him to wait a sec on the couch while I, um... _washed up._ Anyway, when I returned, which I swear was NOT over five minutes, he was asleep on the couch! Just half sitting, half lying there, with the unopened wine on the table. Snoozing away. I shook him but he wouldn’t wake up, so I carried him to his bedroom, but he _still_ wouldn’t wake up. Just in case something had happened, I checked his pulse...yes, listeners, I know that’s discouraged, but I HAD to. As far as I could tell, he was just really tired.

 

And THEN it occurred to me that Carlos, being an outsider to Night Vale, hadn’t been through an Organic Art Day before! And as such, he didn’t have any paintings featuring bones or flesh or rotting trees to put over his windows and doors! Luckily I had a bunch at _my_ apartment, and it wasn’t quite midnight yet, when it is required to have the paintings over your windows and doors, so I had to run all the way home, in my nice clothes, to get them, then had to haul them ALL back to Carlos’ apartment. I barely got there before midnight, and was just able to put them up in time. I know I shouldn’t be complaining...there was no way Carlos could have known, and if he hadn’t fallen asleep then maybe I wouldn’t have remembered, but...seriously? Falling asleep on a date? I’m sorry if I’m boring you, Carlos.

 

Arhhhh…

 

Well...anyway, I stayed at Carlos’ all night because it’s not safe to be out on the streets during Organic Art Day, especially not at night. Unfortunately, Carlos didn’t wake up at all, and he was still sleeping when I left this morning, armed with a small painting of a rotting tree I did this morning on the back of one of Carlos’ frying pans using tomato sauce and mustard. I hope he doesn’t mind. I was out of actual paintings. I’ll have to make sure to buy more from the Murky Gray Stone People at the annual Artists’ Convention in May in the Underground Cave System.

 

And then when I got here at the office, I saw intern Jessica had forgotten to cover the window in the broadcasting studio with an organic art painting. Granted, it’s a rather small window off in the corner, and it's usually too dirty to see anything through or to provide much light, but a window it is nonetheless. Luckily, I don’t think anything got in here overnight. Everything seems to be in its correct place; nothing is a different color or missing or glowing with ominous green light. I might have been a little hasty shoving a painting out the window, though, and I think it might have tangled some of the broadcasting wires coming up the side of the building, so it’s probably a minor miracle if you’re hearing this at all. If you ARE hearing this, I hope you’re safe this Organic Art Day, and I urge you to double check that all the windows and doors of your house are covered in organic art.

 

Anyway, if I continue in this vein for much longer, station management might come over again, so let’s get straight to the news.

 

The yellow helicopters previously hovering over the Old Green Bridge on the end of town, the one with the peeling paint, are now gone. They have been replaced with seven blue helicopters. Blue helicopters belong to the Sheriff's Secret Police so, again, the helicopters are harmless. It is unknown why the StrexCorp helicopters have been replaced by the Sheriff's Secret Police helicopters, and the Old Green Bridge appears exactly the same as it did yesterday. The Boy Scouts are still at a loss as to whether they should go ahead with repainting the bridge.

 

Mayor Pamela Winchell held a press conference today at City Hall, in order to avoid leaving the safety of the organic art paintings hung up around the building. She began by expressing her gratitude that Organic Art Day is always celebrated so thoroughly by Night Vale, and that the citizens of our small town always come together in making it such a success. She mentioned that the winners of the organic art painting contest will be announced first thing tomorrow morning, by a member of the City Council standing on the black and purple marbled roof of City Hall and shouting as loud as he or she is able. The winners will receive an indeterminate amount of Night Vale Community Dollars and coupons to the Night Vale Public Library that I, personally, would advise against using. Mayor Pamela Winchell also mentioned that she is looking forward to seeing the good citizens of Night Vale at Big Rico's this Saturday for the debut of the pizza spheres, which she said she had been assured in good faith were entirely wheat and wheat by-product free.

 

A group of brownish dog-like shapes were reportedly seen through the chain link fence of the dog park. I must again remind you that your eyes are very capable of playing tricks on you, whole illusionary symphonies that, though appearing very real to you at the time, are not, in fact, real. Besides, no dogs are allowed in the dog park, so obviously you couldn't have seen dogs, could you? Really.

 

Now, a quick word from our sponsor.

 

You wave at your friend. You friend is looking the other way and does not see you. You quickly retract your hand and pretend you didn't just wave at no one. Nothing is more embarrassing than waving at someone who doesn't wave back. Don't you have friends? Your friend walks away, oblivious. You look at the ground and walk away. You bump into a tree. The tree rustles its leaves threateningly at you. You remember your manners and stammer an apology. You forget to add the honorary but very important "your most venerable tree-ness" and the tree does not accept your apology. It bends down with craggy branches and wraps twiglike tendrils around your throat, squeezing the life out of you. This message has been brought to you by StrexCorp.

 

Bit strange that only StrexCorp sponsors us now, isn’t it? Personally, I think--

 

_beep. bellalala ladedah eeaaaladedadeee_

 

Oh, hang on a moment. Someone’s calling me. I’ll put them through.

 

Hello?

 

**Cecil?**

 

Carlos? Is that you?

 

**Yeah. Cecil-- what happened last night?**

 

Not a whole lot-- you’re on the air right now, too. Say hi.

 

**Oh. Hi, Night Vale. I guess.**

 

I would like to start out by saying that I am personally affronted by your behavior last night. And if you no longer want to see me, then...well...then at least have the guts to say so to my face.

 

**What? Of course I want to keep seeing you, Cecil! Why--**

 

Oh, good! For a moment there you had me worried…

 

**Cecil, what happened? The last thing I remember is you...um... _going to the bathroom_.**

 

...yeah. Maybe I shouldn’t have put you on the air.

 

**Yeah. Well, what happened? And why are there paintings of...things...all over my house? And have you seen my best frying pan?**

 

Ummm…..well, first of all, don’t move the paintings. It’s Organic Art Day today, and you need the paintings over all your doors and windows for your own safety, okay?

 

**Okay. Sure, I’ll leave the creepy paintings where they are.**

 

As for the frying pan, ummm...I borrowed it. No worries, though! You can have it back tomorrow. Hehe...you may want to stock up on dish soap.

 

**Oh great. Man, my head hurts. The wine…?**

 

Sitting in your cupboard. Unopened. I came out of the bathroom and you were out cold.

 

**What?**

 

I mean I came out and you were dead asleep on the couch. Passed out. Unconscious. Not with the waking--

 

**I get the picture, Cecil. Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t know what-- one moment I was just sitting there and the next thing I remember is waking up this morning.**

 

So you didn’t fall asleep on me because you thought I was boring?

 

**What? No! No...was I drugged? I don’t remember a whole lot of our date...did anyone give me anything? Slip something in my drink?**

 

Erm...I don’t remember. I was...distracted...

 

**What, did they drug you too?**

 

No, I was up all night…

 

**...**

 

**Cecil--**

 

Nothing happened. Unfortunately. Just made sure the paintings were up and ready to go. Sorry I had to leave early-- had to get back to the studio.

 

**So all I ate was the...what...stewed tomatoes?**

 

No, you and I switched, remember? I had the tomatoes, and they messed up my order, gave me the pizza sphere special for this weekend. Our good listeners will remember.

 

**Oh yeah. Pizza sphere, eh? Well, thank you Cecil.**

 

Er...you’re welcome?

 

**I’ll text you later, okay?**

 

Sure thing, Carlos.

 

**Okay. Um...see you later, then, Cecil.**

 

 

Well, listeners, wasn’t that adorable? He’s always SOO adorable. And he didn't fall asleep because he thought I was boring, but because he was drugged! That's SOOO much better. I don't know what he's making such a fuss over. Everyone gets drugged now and then. It's just part of being an American.

 

Returning to the broadcast, StrexCorp would like to remind us that on Saturday we are all obligated to attend Big Rico's for the debut of the new pizza spheres and then we must stand out in the Night Vale City Center courtyard and enjoy the rain. You can even see the rain cloud coming, if you look very far over the sand wastes to the east. Obviously clouds do not exist, but rain clouds are an entirely different matter, as different as buffalo and bison, as we all know very well.

 

And now it's time for the Children's Fun Fact Science Corner. Feeling down? Maybe you should visit the Night Vale Community Swimming Pool. Visitors are reminded that there is no water in the swimming pool, and it is recommended that visitors come wearing heavy fur coats. Any strange noises are to be strictly ignored. It's just the stone settling. Don't worry about the strange noises, Night Vale. DON'T WORRY. Everything will be okay. The Night Vale City Council has got your back. Literally. They have an exact replica of your spine on display in the basement of City Hall. You are not allowed to visit. If your back starts hurting, don't say anything. It's probably just the monster spiders living in the basement of City Hall using your spine as a baseball bat. They can detect complaining, so DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR BACK HURTING, Night Vale. This has been Children's Fun Fact Science Corner.

 

_beep. beep. balaleepleep._

 

Oooh, Carlos texted me something. He says "Do you know anything about rain on Saturday?"

 

Oh, well, he obviously doesn't listen to my show as closely as he should. And obviously I know about the rain, I AM a radio professional. I am knowledgeable about ALL types of weather.

 

Here we go: "Of course I know. It's raining on Saturday. It's mandatory."

 

Pff, you'd think he'd realize that. There're posters up all over town reminding us attendance at Big Rico's and the City Center is mandatory.

 

_beep. beep. balaleepleep._

 

Carlos says: "Rain is mandatory? Does it rain often in the desert?"

 

Oh, Carlos, of course it does! Especially in Night Vale. It's such a good way to grow crops. I know John Peters-- you know, the farmer-- personally sponsors some of the rain. It's very important to his bean plants. One sec while I text Carlos back...

 

_click click clack._

 

_beep. beep. balaleepleep._

 

Hmm, Carlos says the rain may be scientifically interesting...oh Carlos, you're such a good scientist! Always looking for peculiarities in perfectly normal random happenstance. Oh, he's asking me if I could send someone to check out the rain cloud off to the east of town. Well, Carlos, I certainly COULD, and because you asked so nicely and with such admirable grammar, of course.

 

Jessica! Intern Jessica! One moment, dear listeners.... _creak_...JESSICA!

 

Oh, here she comes. Yes, Jessica, could you go out and take a look at the rain cloud east of town in the sand wastes?...Yes, that cloud. Text me if you find anything out...Yes I know it's just a rain cloud, but please just do it anyway....Okay, I'll see you tonight. Thanks, Jessica!

 

It's so nice having interns. They make the coffee and check out mysterious clouds and do Carlos favors from me, and forget to hang up paintings of organic art on Organic Art Day...all while getting valuable experience in radio broadcasting and college credit.

 

Now...we got off on a bit of a tangent there, didn’t we, listeners? I appreciate your patience. You’re just hanging around waiting for traffic as I ramble on about my personal life...so, without further ado: traffic.

 

A young woman of Spanish descent is standing outside your home. You do not see her, but she sees you. You did not invite her, but she WAS invited. Unbeknownst to you, she was invited by the Faceless Old Woman who secretly lives in your home, who was feeling a bit lonely and was tiring of your monotonous company. Let’s face it; all you do is sit around all day, and you never have interesting existential conversations with thin air anymore. She tried reading over your shoulder once, but she reads so much slower than you, and keeps missing important details when you move to the next page too quickly. She resents that, but at the same time understands, and would like to let you know that she doesn’t hold your reading speed against you, and she would still like your vote for Mayor of Night Vale.

 

The young woman of Spanish descent is very close to your house now. Her presence is not malevolent, though may be construed as a little impolite, as you did not invite her. She is waiting patiently at your door now, waiting to be invited in. Invite her in, citizens of Night Vale. Invite her in. Nothing bad will happen...we promise.

 

This has been: traffic.

 

Well, Night Vale, I hope you’re having a good Organic Art Day. It’s always so nice to walk around town with a sandwich board painted with bone and flesh and rotting trees and admire the organic art put up on all your neighbors’ windows and doors. Or, in my case, bearing a stolen frying pan clumsily painted with tomato soup and mustard. But we can’t all be organic art artists, can we?

 

I can’t say Organic Art Day is one of my favorite mandatory holidays, but it is a very important one and has ties all the way back to early Night Vale, when this town was founded, partly as a way to discourage attacks from roving bands of sand wolves.

 

And with those cheery words of history, I take you, dear listeners, to the Weather.

 

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Fy7ahOBUkY>

 

Welcome back, listeners! A lot happened during the break! Carlos called and, naturally, I recorded it, so take a quick listen.

 

**Cecil?**

 

Yes?

 

**It’s Carlos again. I went to Big Rico’s to check up on those pizza spheres, and at first the shadowy hooded waiters were reluctant to let me into the kitchen, but I told them it was for science and then threatened to take the matter to the mayor, and they let me go in. Kitchens in Night Vale are weird, you know that? Anyway, I managed to get a pizza sphere. They’re frozen, too-- Big Rico’s doesn’t make them fresh.**

 

What? But Big Rico’s has a reputation for making food fresh and spider-free!

 

**Well, I didn’t see any spiders, but the pizza spheres come in plastic bags of twenty. The company that makes them is called NutroCorp.**

 

NutroCorp?

 

**Yeah. I’ve never heard of it. Anyway, I took one of the frozen pizza spheres back to my lab next door and did some experiments on it.**

 

You did experiments on a pizza sphere?

 

**Um...yeah?**

 

Oh Carlos, that’s so...scientific of you! You’re suuuuuuch a good scientist, Carlos.

 

**Thanks, Cecil. Anyway, I ran some tests and found out that there was a sedative agent in it.**

 

A sedative agent?

 

**Yeah; it knocks you unconscious. I determined the exact type, and looked up the properties: it knocks you out after about an hour.**

 

About the time we made it to your place.

 

**Yes. So there, I was right-- I WAS drugged.**

 

Of course you were, Carlos! You always get things right, you’re such a good scientist.

 

**So you keep saying. But what I was wondering was: why would this NutroCorp put a sedative in pizza spheres?**

 

That’s another very good question, Carlos, and one I feel certain you will find the answer to.

 

**Hopefully. I’m going to keep looking into it. Did you get any news about that cloud to the east of town?**

 

In fact, I did. Intern Jessica texted me just a moment ago...she says, and I quote, “Cloud is funny shaped. ???  weird bumpy alive. Rain--” and that’s all the text said. I tried texting her back, but she didn’t respond.

 

**Hmm. I’d like to talk to her when she gets back.**

 

Sure. I’ll let her know.

 

**Thanks for the help, Cecil….I’m looking forward to seeing you again on Saturday, though maybe we should avoid the pizza spheres. You could also warn your listeners about the sedative. As far as I can tell, it’s perfectly harmless in the long run, but falling deeply unconscious an hour after eating for nine or ten hours straight isn’t very convenient.**

 

Of course. I’ll let them know.

 

**See you then, Cecil.**

 

Bye Carlos.

 

So, listeners, be wary of the new pizza sphere special at Big Rico’s this weekend. Harmless but inconvenient sedatives may be included.

 

It’s a bit odd that intern Jessica hasn’t texted me again, or come back to the studio...I hope she’s not lost in the sand wastes. Of course, it’s equally probable her phone battery died, so there you go. The endless mystery of the universe.

 

So, as I thank you for participating in such a successful Organic Art Day, I must also bid you a fond farewell. Stay tuned for the silence at the end of time. Until next time, good night, Night Vale. Goodnight.

 

…

 

doodooddooo de lala

 

_scrape_

 

_rustle_

 

_..._

 

_scuff scuff_

 

_click woosh click slam_

 

_...static…**....**....----_

 

….%%....%%....%%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

….%%....%%....%%

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Weather for today was "The Traveling Man" by Marah in the Mainsail.


	3. In which Intern Jessica makes an appearance and Cecil does some digging

Feel the turn of the earth under your feet. Do you feel it? Now forget it. The world is not turning. You are turning. Stop it. Welcome to Night Vale.

 

….%%....%%....%%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

….%%....%%....%%

 

Hello again Night Vale! I made a strange discovery this morning when I came in. It appears we’ve been broadcasting all night, even after the end of the show. I pressed the button to stop broadcasting, I remember I did, and the light went out, but this morning when I took the organic art painting out of the small dingy studio window, I noticed it had indeed tangled some cables, and for whatever reason, we are now unable to stop broadcasting. Well, at least, we can’t stop broadcasting by pressing the stop broadcasting button. I’m sure if we got creative we COULD stop the broadcast, but it may then take a while to figure out how to START broadcasting again, so, at any rate, my apologies, listeners. I ask that you bear with me until we can get the problem fixed. I ought to tell station management, but I find that StrexCorp is...less than one hundred percent amiable nowadays and...well...not being able to stop broadcasting isn’t THAT big of a deal, anyway. Once intern Jessica comes back I’ll send her over to talk to them. Speaking of intern Jessica, she has not returned from her mission to gather information on the rain cloud to the east of town that Carlos asked about. She sent a very brief, very cryptic text message, and that was the last we heard of her. She may still show up, but in case she doesn’t...to the friends and family of intern Jessica, she was a very good intern, even if she did forget to cover my window on Organic Art Day, and she will be missed.

 

While we’re on the topic of Organic Art Day, the winners of the organic art contest were chosen earlier this morning. The winners’ names were shouted from the black and purple marbled roof of City Hall by the chairperson of the Night Vale City Council Transportation Department. The winners, Angela Harrison, Brandon Grayson, and Miranda Wylin, have been given their prize winnings in Night Vale Community Dollars, and also coupons to the Night Vale Public Library. The categories for judging were best painting technique, best use of color, and best realistic organic representation.

 

Carlos also called me early this morning. Apparently he stayed up all night doing research on NutroCorp and the rain cloud to the east of town. He’s sooooo dedicated. He told me, in no uncertain terms, that he thought the cloud to the east of town was alive. Alive! A cloud! Not only are clouds’ mere existence sometimes questioned, but for one to be ALIVE? Carlos is such a good scientist, making such important scientific discoveries. I hope he doesn’t decide to start doing research on mountains, though, because everyone knows that mountains are definitely not real.

 

Moving onto the news, StrexCorp has again asked that I remind everyone that your presence at Big Rico’s this Saturday is mandatory, and that it is also mandatory that you meet in the Night Vale City Center afterwards to enjoy the rain. You are urged to bring your children, family, and friends. It will be a lot of fun.

 

Personally, as someone speaking not for the welfare of the company...I have a bad feeling about StrexCorp. I have for a long time. It gives me the same feeling in my gut I get when I think about...STEVE CARLSBERG. STEVE--no. Breathe, Cecil.

 

 

...

 

Moving on, today the blue Sheriff’s Secret Police helicopters have gone from the Old Green Bridge on the edge of town-- you know, the one with the peeling green paint that refuses to be covered in anything other than peeling green paint. Well, today there are no helicopters flying over it. The Sheriff’s Secret Police have issued a notice saying that the Old Green Bridge is hazardous to helicopters, and have issued a no-fly warning for the space above and around the Old Green Bridge. Pedestrians have thus far not been harmed, and the Sheriff’s Secret Police encourage citizens of Night Vale to cross the bridge and shout obscenities at it, just to see what happens.

 

It is still very hot in Night Vale, and again we have the unknown person who left their toaster on after they’d finished using it to blame. Usually the side effects of such a crime dissipate after a day or two, but it has been a day or two and, if anything, it is getting hotter. The only explanation is that that toaster IS STILL ON. In light of this development, Mayor Pamela Winchell is calling together a small but fierce militia of concerned Night Vale citizens for a manhunt. They will be gathering very soon around the unmarked sandstone obelisk on the raised pedestal in the middle of the Night Vale City Center courtyard. If interested, report to the City Center in exactly five minutes, wearing an all-white robe. It must have a hood and you must wear a matching mask. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. You must also bring a pitchfork, flamethrower, or anti-matter ray gun. Stand very quietly and do not talk to anyone, and you will be picked to go along with the citizen militia. This toaster leaver-on-er is a criminal and a threat to all of Night Vale! Do not shelter the criminal in your house or you will receive the same sentence. Toasters--

 

_**buzz buzz**_

 

Excuse me for a moment, listeners. It appears someone is ringing the studio doorbell. And as intern Jessica is still nowhere to be found, I’ll have to get it. I don’t trust station management to. Give me a moment; here’s a quick word from our sponsors.

 

Looking for the perfect ring for the perfect someone? Well, stop looking. No, you didn’t find one. You just realized that, in the grand scale of the world, love is unimportant. What is love anyway? An unpleasant swirling of chemicals in the body? We’ll get rid of that for you. We’ll get rid of EVERYTHING for you. Work hard. Believe in a smiling god, and a smiling god will believe in you. StrexCorp.

 

…

 

…

 

_scrape_

 

_clunk_

_scrape_

 

Alright listeners, I’m back. Sorry about the dead air there. You’ll never guess who was at the door. Well, maybe eventually. Well, maybe not after even very much, but it was John Peters-- you know, the farmer! And with him, he had Jessica, our station intern! And she’s alive! He says he found her wandering in the sand wastes, muttering about rain and clouds. He found a business card for Night Vale Community Radio in her pocket, so instead of taking her to the Missing Persons cave by the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex, he took her here! I thanked John Peters-- you know, the farmer-- and he left, muttering about someone scheduling the rain this week too late. I have intern Jessica here with me in the studio! She’s mumbling a bit to herself. Jessica, tell us what happened.

 

**_Rain. Rain is coming. rain rain RAIN. from THE SKY._ **

 

Well yes, Jessica, that’s usually where rain--oh my, that’s a slightly creepy stare.

 

**_The cloud is COMING and we will be ALIVE AGAIN._ **

 

...Jessica, tell me, just between the two of us, does the cloud on the east side of town have anything to do with StrexCorp?

 

**_STREX-- You don’t underSTAND. Rain--. RAIN--. RAIN THAT IS NOT RAIN. STREXCORP IS WATCHING OVER US. believe in a smiling god. BELIEVE. strex. Strex. STREXcorp. RAIN IS COMING._ **

 

Um...Jessica?

 

_scrape--shatter!_

 

**_STREXCORP WILL SAVE US STREXCORP WILL LOVE US STREXCORP WILL KILL YOU ALL._ **

 

Ummmm….Jessica, put that down. Jessica-- Jessica, listen to me. Put that-- help! HELP!

 

_scrape_

_…._

_bang_

_…._

_scuffle_

 

**_STREXCORP WILL END YOU ALL. STREXCORP WILL SAVE THE WORLD. STREXCORP WILL SAVE OUR CHILDREN. STREX STREX STREX STREX_ **

 

Hey! HEY! YOU! Station management!

 

_bang bang_

_..._

_click_

_..._

_slam_

 

**_STREX STREX STREX CORP IS OUR SAVIOR STRE--. stRE-- st-- ex._ **

 

_clatter_

_..._

_thump_

 

…

 

…

 

_creak_

_..._

_scrape_

 

Well, hello again, listeners. I...um...well...intern Jessica is passed out on the studio floor as I speak. She...started maniacally chanting and then...well...stopped. After brandishing a jeweled CD case at me, that is. Oh, and she broke it by slamming it into the side of the desk, so it was little more than a jagged dagger of sharp plastic at the time. I ran past her out the studio door, and then all of a sudden she just...lost her energy and collapsed onto the ground. She doesn’t look so threatening now, but you never know. Oh, and here comes station management finally. A little late, guys.

 

_> >What happened?_

 

What happened? I almost just died and you sat around....yes, well, she just started ranting about rain and StrexCorp, threatened my life with a CD case, and passed out….don’t give me those disbelieving looks. What should we do with her? We don’t want her to hurt anyone.

 

_> >Lock her up._

 

Yes, but where? And don’t think that low toneless voice is going to make me do anything I don’t want to.

 

_> >Bathroom?_

 

Well-- actually, that’s not a bad idea. The women’s bathroom, presumably? Mathematically speaking there’s more men working here, and we don’t want to disturb Khoshekh, now do we? Or have Khoshekh hurt her...Alright, then. I’ll lock her in the women’s bathroom. Thank you. You can go now. …  Yeah, yeah, off you go …  station management StrexCorp employees...bah. They would have let her kill me, probably.

 

You heard her-- StrexCorp will kill us all. And then there was the Community Calendar...something’s not right here, listeners, not right at all. And I’m going to get to the bottom of it. But first, I’m going to drag intern Jessica into the women’s bathroom. While I do that...let’s see...there was a disturbance near Night Vale Community College early this morning. A strange noise was emanating from the janitor’s closet on the second floor. I’ve got a recording of the noise here, and I’ll play that for you while I move Jessica….there you go!

 

___________________

~~~~&^$*)@_H@~)_*sf)_*_)*___________

ARROGANCE#@*)_$&@)_~_)~~_~~~_)*#)*$

#)$_@*@#T)*_$*@#J)#”U()SS()#_

@#$)*_@#$*@)_HOLLOWLIES)*#_$)!_(@!_______+@3=

#&$)!)_@*#)$*_)#@*!&()*)()_()#*_@#*$@!@_~~~~~

*@()*$_)@#_(Q%&)@$_%&#_]

N)#$&_@(PNO)!@$&)S

#@)$_*@#)$*#@)_$(!@#)_$(################***(0

#*$@)((%&@#$)@#_(#DEATHTOTHENONBELIEVER@)#*$_@(&%_@)(

#()#*$%)*#@)%(#S(S NM#

#($)@#*E)@#ei

______________________

 

I’m back, listeners. Wasn’t that a beautiful sound? Who knew janitor’s closets could be so poetic?

 

So I dragged Jessica, who, by the way, is heavier than she looks, down the hall to the women’s bathroom which, I feel I should point out, I have never been in before. It looked very much like the men’s bathroom except for the obvious lack of carnivorous plant life and a strange plethora of mirrors and a number of crates half-filled with purple potatoes. I laid her carefully in the middle of the tile floor, halfway between the row of sinks and the stalls. I then made sure the window at the end of the room was locked (the organic art painting was already gone) and left. I locked the bathroom door behind me with my master key and painted a blood sigil on the door to discourage the usage of black magic and ensure that the door could not be opened from the inside.

 

And, those simple yet effective precautions complete, I returned to the studio and you, beautiful listeners, were waiting for me.

 

That was quite a little adventure, wasn’t it, listeners? It looks like it’s over now, though, so thank the stars for that! Honestly. Thank them every night. They can get cross some nights if you don’t. You know where the term star-crossed comes from, right? Well, don’t end up like that guy, if you follow my meaning.

 

But now we must return to our regularly scheduled programming, which brings us to traffic.

 

X marks the spot. What is the spot? What is the significance of ‘the spot’? I could mark anything with an X whenever I wanted to, and fondly refer to it as ‘the spot.’ But would it mean anything? No. Stop putting your hopes in old maps and superstitious nonsense. Night Vale is a world living in the present. Possibly the future. But most definitely NOT the past. We did tests for that. Have you been tested? Of course you have. All Night Vale citizens are tested at birth for tendencies to rebel, very high IQ, and laziness. We at StrexCorp--

 

StrexCorp? Again? What are they doing in traffic? Hmmm. Well, I guess I’ll have to keep reading to find out, won’t I?

 

We at StrexCorp are invested in your well-being, and our number one priority is your health, happiness, and wholeness.

 

That’s three things, StrexCorp. And they’re ALL your number one priority? Come on!

 

StrexCorp is your friend. StrexCorp has always been there for you, and always will be. Until the day you die. Then it will be very difficult for anyone to be there for you. Celebrating one year since we invaded your homes: StrexCorp. Work hard. Believe in a smiling god. X is only a single letter, anyway. X could stand for anything. Anything at all. What are you hiding under this spot on the map-- a xylophone? Maybe a--

 

No. How can I be sitting here reading about xylophones when StrexCorp is plotting something? I know they are. Radio hosts have always had very good instincts. I AM going to get to the bottom of this. Right now, in fact.

 

….BUT, since I am a radio professional, after all, I’m taking you first, as always, 

 

to the Weather.

 

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WteF0j5gYGk>

 

Listeners, I’m afraid I have some bad news. Some VERY bad news. Over the break, I looked into StrexCorp. Do you even know what “strex” means? And Carlos texted me-- guess who NutroCorp is owned by? Yep, you guessed it. StrexCorp. I looked into StrexCorp’s history. They swoop into towns all over the U.S.-- Green Valley, Mount Khariso, Lionsdale, all small, secluded desert communities not unlike our own-- and buy up all the local companies. Then, exactly one year later-- _exactly--_ those towns go off the map. Well, they’re still there, of course, but empty. Well, maybe it would have been better if they HAD been empty. You see-- wait.

 

Station management is motioning to me to come over. I’ll have to go. But first, listen closely: I had Carlos check the weather-- and at each town, it rained. One year after StrexCorp arrived, it rained. And then everyone died. Listen--

 

Yeah, yeah, station management, I see you, give me a sec. Yeah. Hi.

 

Listen, I don’t have much time--you’re all in danger. Grave danger. I swear it, on the eternal reputation of this radio station, on my life, on Carlos’ life. Night Vale, we are all in grave danger. Do not let Strex--

 

oh hi, station management! Let me sign off? No...erm...ponder what I’ve said, dear listeners, and know just how very dear to me you are...I’ll explain the end of that...hilarious story I was telling you just as soon as I come back...I’ll tell you _everything_...come now, station management, let me just...oh, I see. You’ve hit the _shutoff broadcast button_...hehe, no hard feelings?

 

_rustle_

_…._

_scrape_

 

Hey now...ouch! Careful...

 

_screech_

_…._

_slam_

 

….*...**...*

 

*...*......*

 

_** <(distantly)>**_

 

Hey, hey, guys, we’re all friends here, right? Go StrexCorp! hehe. um...go StrexCorp?

 

_clatter_

 

Hey, hey, guys, really? No. NO. NO. PLEASE NO. GET AWAY FROM--

 

_buzz_

 

_screaming--_

_screaming..._

_screaming_

_…_

_screaming_

_…_

_…_

_scream--_

_.._

_._

  


_._

_.._

_..._

 

_gasp_

_..._

_rustle_

_..._

_thump thump_

_..._

_thud_

_..._

_scrape_

_..._

_thud_

_…_

 

Hello again, listeners. Such a beautiful evening, isn’t it? Just a gorgeous evening here in the equally gorgeous town of Night Vale, protected as we are by the infinitely kind and generous StrexCorp. Oh, how I love saying that. StreeexxxCorp. Ah. Music to my ears. What would we be without StrexCorp? Not very happy, that’s what we’d be!

 

I’ve been told the broadcast is almost over for tonight, so here’s a signoff from me, your friendly radio host Cecil Palmer, here at Night Vale Community Radio, which is so generously owned by StrexCorp! Stay tuned for a long piece of literature read to you by birds of prey, happily discussing the beauty of StrexCorp. So I--and the rest of StrexCorp, of course, because I’m such a happy employee!--wish you a good night, Night Vale. Or should I say, Strex Vale? Ah. Good night, Strex Vale. Goodnight.

 

….%%....%%....%%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

….%%....%%....%%

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Weather for today was "Dramatic Song" by Toby Turner.


	4. In which StrexCorp is great and Carlos is nowhere to be found

Think of the best thing in the world. Yes, I know “best” is a subjective term, but humor me. Are you thinking of it? Good. It was brought to you by StrexCorp. Isn’t StrexCorp great? Welcome to Night Vale, or, shall I say, to coin a phrase, Strex Vale? Oh man, this is never going to get old.

 

….%%....%%....%%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

….%%....%%....%%

 

StrexCorp. Night Vale. They are one. Isn’t that beautiful, listeners? StrexCorp is to Night Vale what Carlos is to me. Beautiful, beautiful Carlos. Beautiful, beautiful StrexCorp. Speaking of Carlos, I don’t suppose any of you listeners have seen him about lately? I texted him this morning but he hasn’t responded yet. I can’t quite remember the last time I saw him either...I appear to have deleted all the texts off my phone. Strange how you just forget some things happening, isn’t it? Things like turning the stove off or locking the padlock on your chest of perishable worldly goods? Woah, deja vu....you know deja vu is just the smiling god’s way of reminding us we’re only mortal, right? Do you feel mortal? No? Well then, you’re wrong. Our smiling god is never wrong. NEVER.

 

I stopped at Carlos’ apartment this morning before coming into work, where I knew I would work very hard and very long for the glory of StrexCorp, but there was no one there. I don’t know where else Carlos would be at seven in the morning. I checked his laboratory too, right next to Big Rico’s, but it was locked and the lights were out. I peered in the windows and, as far as I could tell, it was very clean. Naturally, Carlos is a VERY clean person-- he’s so neat and orderly! _Such_ a good scientist! But the worktable where he usually spreads papers and printouts of things he’s been working on recently was empty. VERY empty. I thought that was a bit odd, but hey, maybe he’s between projects. That got me thinking again about what his last project was and...you know what...I just can’t remember.

 

_scratch scratch_

 

I really hope Carlos didn’t...go see someone else. Maybe...maybe he’s got a new boyfriend...no! I shan’t think of it. Carlos would say I’m being paranoid. And he’s such a good scientist, so obviously he knows all about being human. Apart from the urge to serve StrexCorp, of course. Carlos isn’t very fond of StrexCorp, if I remember correctly. You know...that IS odd. How could I possibly like...no... _love_...someone who didn’t love StrexCorp as much as he loved me?

 

_scratch scratch_

 

An interesting problem. But one that will have to wait until after the news!

 

Remember tomorrow, Saturday, is the mandatory Big Rico’s dinner put on by the generous and kind StrexCorp. A special dish has been prepared, the pizza sphere. Oooh, that does sound tasty, doesn’t it? Entirely wheat and wheat by-product free as well, I understand. Afterwards, we will all gather in the City Center for the rain that evening! StrexCorp has again stretched its expansive philanthropic muscles in sponsoring this rain, which is coming in on a totally ordinary rain cloud currently to the east of town. I am SOOO looking forward to this event! You know, I feel like pizza spheres and me already have a long history. I’m so looking forward to having one for the first time!

 

_scratch scratch_

 

More good news, Night Vale! The individual responsible for leaving their toaster on for THREE WHOLE DAYS has been caught by Night Vale’s very own citizen militia! The white-robed volunteer militia paraded through Night Vale’s streets with pitchforks, flame throwers, and anti-matter ray guns until they discovered the source of the heat wave on Cantilever Street on the northwest side of town. The suspect turned out to have left their toaster on and then gone to stay with a friend of theirs on the other side of town for a few days, as their house was experiencing non-existence. You know, that common problem among houses, especially the older ones, where your house just blips in and out of this plane. It’s terribly inconvenient, and is rated just under cockroach infections on the Common House Infections list given out annually by the National Housing and Development Bureau out of Oklahoma City, Maine. The suspect, whose name has now been removed from all public records for reasons of common decency, has been taken in for questioning by the Sheriff’s Secret Police, who are eager to have something to do other than patrol back alleys and monitor your every movement. It is very boring. Could you do something different every now and then to spice it up? The heat wave will probably continue for another two or three days as the effects of having the toaster plugged in disperse. Rest assured the suspect will never be so thoughtless again.

 

Here is a word from our sponsor, which I will never tire of reading:

 

Sometimes, do you look at the sky? Just look? Ever wonder why? Of course you have. We put that thought in your head. The real question, though, is why isn’t the sky looking back at you? It is very indecent of it to ignore you like this, isn’t it? Shout at the sky. Demand its attention. That is the only way to receive it. Yes, you are a puny mortal, and the sky is vast and immortal, but you have needs and if you want it to look at you, then it WILL look at you. Then, once you have its attention, walk away. Let it see your lack of interest. Walk to your job. Work hard. StrexCorp.

 

Ohhh, StrexxxxxCorp. Never tire of saying that. Say, I wonder if we have any other words from our one and only sponsor, StrexCorp...it doesn’t appear so. What a shame. I’ll have to mention that to station management. Oh, have I told you about station management? They’re such kind people! The epitome of all StrexCorp employees and what we should all strive to become. I wish I worked as hard as they do. I WILL work as hard as they do. Work hard. StrexCorp. Oh, this is nice.

 

I--

 

_bang bang_

 

...I--

 

_bang bang_

 

**_Hey! Is anyone out there? Cecil?_ **

 

Excuse me, listeners. It would appear someone is calling for me. It sounds like intern Jessica.

 

**_I know you’re there, Cecil! I can hear you talking!_ **

 

Coming! One moment, listeners...I know I have a button microphone here somewhere...aha! Second drawer on the left...one moment…

 

_pop_

 

_snap_

 

Listeners? I am now talking to you from a button microphone I have pinned to my collar. This way I can take you with me! I love technology, don’t you? Well, when it’s not trying to kill you, that is. I’m standing up now, we’re leaving the studio…

 

_scrape_

_..._

_bang_

 

Sorry, the door’s a little loud...I’m coming, Jessica.

 

**_Why did you lock me in here?_ **

 

Jessica? Are you alright? Listeners, I’m next to the door leading to the women’s bathroom. It’s just down the hall from the studio. Station management told me Jessica got hurt on a mission to the sand dunes... she came back and attacked me! I remember that much.

 

**_Cecil, are you DOING THE SHOW RIGHT NOW?_ **

 

Um…..no?

 

**_CECIL I CAN HEAR YOU LET ME OUT THERE’S GLASS IN HERE._ **

 

No need to shout, Jessica. I’m just on the other side of the door. Staring at the blood sigil someone painted on the door to prevent your getting out. I wonder who did paint that. Was it me? I don’t remember.

 

_scratch scratch_

 

**_CECIL!!_ **

 

One moment, Jessica. Stand back. I’m going to unlock the door now.

 

**_You’d better._ **

 

_clank scrape click_

 

I’ve unlocked the door, I’m opening the door...Jessica! What did you do?

 

**_I told you, someone broke the mirror!_ **

 

Jessica...when I put you in here, the mirror wasn’t broken. I remember that much. Well...I think I do.

 

_scratch scratch_

 

**_YOU put me in here? Cecil Palmer--_ **

 

I would remind you that you are only an _intern_ , Jessica. Besides, you tried to kill me. You came back from the sand wastes muttering about clouds or something, and then came at me with part of a broken jeweled CD case!

 

**_I--what?_ **

 

Just what I said! You threatened me with a CD case. Not a very nice way to go…

 

**_I don’t remember any of that, Cecil. I swear. And what do you mean, the mirror wasn’t broken when you put me in here? The last thing I remember was going on that stupid mission of yours to look at that creepy cloud._ **

 

_Stupid_ \--wait, that _I_ sent you on?

 

**_Yeah. ‘Jessica, go look at that weird cloud on the east side of town. Text me if you find anything.’ Next thing I know, I’m lying in a bathroom. And my hand hurts._ **

 

Your hand-- oh yes. Ouch. What did you do? It’s bleeding all over the place.

 

**_Yeah, I noticed, thanks. I think there’s glass in the cuts, so could you please get me out of here?_ **

 

Well--

 

_> >No._

 

Oh, hiiiii, fellow happy StrexCorp employee! (It’s one of station management, listeners).

 

_> >She isn’t in her right mind. _

 

That’s true. Jessica, do you have any memory of breaking the mirror? I mean, look-- the shards are all over the floor, on the sinks, stabbed into randomly strewn purple potatoes…

 

**_I didn’t smash the mirror._ **

 

But your hand--

 

**_I don’t know how I hurt my hand, but I don’t remember smashing the mirror. I don’t_ ** **know _anything!_**

 

_> >Tie her up._

 

Sorry?

 

_> >You heard her. She’s lost it. Smashing mirrors, forgetting? We can’t let her go, and if we don’t tie her up, she might hurt herself._

 

That’s true. Oh, isn’t StrexCorp so SMART? Thank you, StrexCorp, for always being there to help when I don’t know what to do. If you get some rope, I’ll tie her up.

 

**_Cecil!_ **

 

Don’t worry, Jessica, it’s for your own good. He’ll be back in just a sec, and then you’ll just have to wait it out. Maybe it’ll pass.

 

**_Or maybe it-- maybe it won’t. Oh, my stomach hurts too. What happened to you, Cecil? You don’t like StrexCorp! I mean...I didn’t think so._ **

 

Oh, you and your little jokes, Jessica. Of COURSE I love StrexCorp! What reason would I have not to?

 

**_I don’t know, I just...that was the impression I got. Did you at least get any information from that text I sent you? That cloud, man, it was CREEPY. Not like any rain cloud I’d ever seen. And it was...it was like it was ALIVE, Cecil. And the rain was cold. Really cold--like ice._ **

 

I’m still not so sure I sent you on that mission. I don’t remember any of it. And why would I send you to investigate a perfectly regular, StrexCorp-sponsored rain cloud? Everyone knows rain clouds are harmless and beneficial to the community. You want to benefit the community, don’t you, Jessica?

 

**_Are you sure you’re feeling alright, Cecil? Because it sounds like your memory is about as shot as mine is._ **

 

Of course I’m feeling fine-- why wouldn’t I? StrexCorp keeps me happy, healthy, and whole. Although...now that you mention it, some things HAVE been slipping my mind...perfectly natural, I suppose…

 

_scratch scratch_

 

**_And stop scratching the back of your neck, Cecil. You don’t have lice or anything, do you? And--say, are you at least going to bandage my hand?_ **

 

_> >No._

 

**_Geez, Mr. Personality returns._ **

 

Thanks for the rope, station management! StrexCorp has such good quality rope. Let’s see...come over by this toilet, Jessica.

 

**_You’re not serious?_ **

 

I’m always serious when it comes to the safety of StrexCorp employees, Jessica.

 

**_Something’s happened to you, Cecil. And I don’t like it._ **

 

_scriff_

 

Nothing’s happened to me, Jessica. Something’s happened to you, and we’re going to make it better, okay? StrexCorp will make it better.

 

**_Cecil--no, Cecil come back! Don’t leave me here tied to a toilet! You thought death by CD case was bad, well how about death tied to a toilet!_ **

 

Don’t be overdramatic, Jessica. You’re not going to die. Just sit there until you get yourself together again.

 

_> >Come along, Cecil._

 

Okay! See you, Jessica! I’ve got hard work to do for StrexCorp!

 

**_Cecil! Come on--don’t you dare--CECIL!!!_ **

 

Well, that was a little strange. I’ll be getting straight back to work now, if you don’t mind, station manager. Yeah, sure, just walk away from me...that’s okay. Always happy to work for StrexCorp! I say that a lot, don’t I? Well, listeners, it’s because it’s true!

 

_bang_

_..._

_scrape_

_…_

_rustle_

 

Well, listeners, I’m back in the studio, and, may I say, glad to be back at work! It’s so unfortunate that Jessica lost her mind in the sand wastes, but I must say that there _are_ inherent risks involved in going there. Though she did say _I_ sent her...that’s ridiculous though. I would NEVER send a fellow StrexCorp employee into danger...we stick together here at StrexCorp!

 

Now, where were we? Of course: traffic.

 

A small black and white flecked owl flies through your house. He is small and rather cute, but with vast black gleaming eyes and a savage-looking gray- and brown- streaked beak. He clings upside down to your light fixtures attached to the ceiling. He is invisible. Yes, he is colored, but he is also invisible. He sees you, with those big black gleaming eyes. You cannot see him. Sometimes he flies around your house, flapping his wings noisily at the Faceless Old Woman who secretly lives in your home. Other times he sits and clacks his beak at you. Even though he is invisible, you can hear him just as well as if he were visible. He is perfectly harmless during the daytime, but at night the moonlight transforms him. His black and white flecked feathers grow and elongate into barbed three-foot long feathers, his cute feet stretch into powerful hind legs, his vast black gleaming eyes grow even more vast, until they seem to take up his entire face. They are many-faceted, like an insect’s. His gray- and brown- streaked beak grows three rows of tiny hooked fangs. His head is still able to rotate three hundred and sixty degrees. Even the Faceless Old Woman who secretly lives in your home stays away from him now, and returns to counting spiders and documenting your sleeping patterns. The creature that is no longer an owl crawls upside down along your ceiling. He can smell fear, and he can smell you. He is coming closer. Can you see him? No, because he is invisible. He is very close now. Can you hear him? Well, can you?

 

This has been: traffic.

 

You know, listeners, it occurred to me just a moment ago that maybe Carlos hasn’t been responding to my texts because of something I said to him. The problem is, I can’t remember what I said, and, as I mentioned before, I appear to have wiped my phone’s text message history.

 

_scratch scratch_

 

You know, it is odd, what Jessica said, about me scratching the back of my neck. I don’t...I don’t remember having done it before, but I must have been scratching it for a while, because...well...because there’s blood under my fingernails now. I really should stop scratching, I guess...

 

Well, anyway, as I was saying, I was thinking, if I played yesterday’s broadcast back, maybe something would jog my memory. I keep extra copies of the broadcasts in one of the bottom drawers because...well...actually, I don’t remember why. Strex-- hmm. StrexCorp had something to do with it, I think.

 

_scratch scratch_

 

Ow! I need to seriously STOP THAT. Bad hands. Let’s see...I usually group three days’ shows together...here’s the one from yesterday, and the two days before that. Let’s pop that in...ooh...I have a GOOD radio voice. … I don’t remember any of this, hmm… I just said I looked at something on the Community Calendar next week. Well, I’ve paused it. Let’s take a look-sy, shall we? Best way to jog the memory, retracing your steps. Let’s see...Community Calendar...that’s sent out by StrexCorp, you know--so helpful...next week...well, that is weird. Listeners, I’m looking at next week...and it’s blank. Totally blank. Nothing happening next week. Nothing at all. And the week after that--nothing. And next month--listeners, there is nothing on the entire rest of the calendar. I’m looking through it all-- and it’s blank.

 

That is...very strange. Hmm. Let’s move on in the recording...oohh Carlos called. We go on a date...he asks me about the cloud to the east of town, asks me to check it out...oh my, listeners. I DID ask Jessica to check it out. How strange that I would forget that.

 

_scratch scratch_

 

I seriously need to duct tape my hand to something. And maybe take an Aspirin. I’m feeling a bit queasy...I should finish this first, though...Carlos and I went on a date-- wow, I don’t remember that AT ALL.

 

_scratch scratch_

 

And then someone drugged him! And did I seriously forget all about Organic Art Day? I don’t remember those helicopters over the Old Green Bridge either. What, did Carlos and I go out for some heavy drinking?...someone poisoned the pizza sphere specials at Big Rico’s?!! What a terrible person! This NutroCorp sounds very untrustworthy! StrexCorp should buy them out and have them change their ways. I bet they don’t work very hard. Or believe in a smiling god...Jessica was right about another thing, too. I don’t sound like I like StrexCorp very much. I mean, I compare them to Steve...that villain whose name I shall not utter on the air. I must have seriously hated StrexCorp….Listeners, I’m so confused...how did this happen? I lost my memory and had a moral epiphany simultaneously? Only way to find out is to keep listening, I guess. I’ve got a headache now too, great.

 

...I...wow, I sound REALLY certain something is going on. I swear it on the eternal reputation of this radio station, on my life, even on Carlos’ life. Oh my, listeners. I don’t know what’s going on, but I seem very certain it’s something very bad. Maybe that was a clone of myself, or an apparition, or...I don’t know...but whatever it was, it was some aspect of ME, and I SWORE on Carlos’ life. And now Carlos can’t be found.

 

Something is coming, Night Vale. Something very bad...I said I checked up on StrexCorp...I said StrexCorp owns NutroCorp. NutroCorp, who makes the pizza spheres. Why would StrexCorp want us to eat pizza spheres laced with sedative? And how does the cloud fit in? Night Vale, I think it would be best if no one went to Big Rico’s on Saturday, or stood in the City Center to appreciate the rain. I don’t know what is going to happen, but it’s not going to be good. I’m going to look up those towns I mentioned, the ones that StrexCorp had visited before.

 

_scratch scratch_

 

Ow, my neck REALLY hurts! I need to find a Band-Aid. And an Aspirin. I--

 

_cough_

 

I’m not feeling the best. You could say I’m feeling a bit... _under the weather._ And with that terrible pun, I leave you, loyal listeners, with

 

the Weather.

 

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtU_7SHYEnI>

 

Alright listeners. I’ve learned a lot. Those towns--Green Valley, Mount Khariso, Lionsdale-- are all small, secluded communities in the U.S. All of them were visited by StrexCorp, as I mentioned previously, even though I do not remember mentioning it previously, and, on the one-year anniversary of StrexCorp’s arrival, all the citizens were murdered. It does not say how in any of the reports. They were all unsolved. There were no survivors. Bodies were...bodies were recovered.

 

_cough cooough_

 

Sorry, listeners. I’m still waiting for the medicine to kick in. The...remains...of the citizens of those towns were found, eventually, by visitors from other towns. The citizens were...well, I don’t know any good way to put this...they were ripped apart.

 

_scratch scratch_

 

I’m about to the end of the tape now, so I’ll just finish playing it, see if I have any last clues for myself, or maybe a hint as to how I lost my memory. Assuming it _was_ my memory in the first place. Let’s see...station management gives me a call...oh...OH. Dear listeners, I am VERY sorry if any of you had to---oh my...oh that’s--. I’m turning it off now, listeners. I cannot--I--listeners, WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME? I hear...quite clearly, I might add, the sound system in here is very good...station management comes, drags me away, and then...what? Actually, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. But station management did something to me, and station management works for StrexCorp. I think Jessica was righter than she knew. Something is going on with StrexCorp, and it’s nothing good.

 

COUGH. Aghhhh.

 

Oh, listeners. I’m sorry, I-- there are reasons radio professionals are given sick days. However, I doubt I’d be able to take one, not now...not with everything that’s happening. Tomorrow is Saturday. I don’t have time to take sick days. I must discover the truth. And I will, Night Vale, I will. I promise you that.

 

Since the shutoff broadcast button no longer works, I’ll be leaving you with the sound of static and silence. Feel free to turn your radio off at this point, or at least down to a less distracting volume. Hopefully Carlos will get back to me tonight. Otherwise...well...I sincerely hope StrexCorp doesn’t have him, because whatever they did to me sounded...very unpleasant...and I hope Carlos isn’t going through that.

 

Carlos, if you can hear this, if you’re in a position where my broadcast is audible, please call or text me. If you cannot call or text, or drop by the studio, know that I am coming for you, Carlos. As soon as I have any idea of where you are, I am coming. And to the rest of you, dear listeners, DO NOT GO TO BIG RICO’S TOMORROW and DO NOT STAND IN THE RAIN. StrexCorp cannot be trusted. Until tomorrow, stay safe, stay indoors, and keep the radio on once I start tomorrow’s broadcast. Wishing we’ll all make it through tomorrow, good night, Night Vale. Goodnight.

 

….%%....%%....%%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

….%%....%%....%%

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's Weather was "Mars" by Sleeping at Last. If you liked it, "Saturn" and "Uneven Odds" are also good songs by them.


	5. In which rain comes to Night Vale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, these chapters got long.

We’ve been living a lie. All of us. We think we are safe and protected, and we are not. We think we can trust those who seek to lead us. We cannot. Trust no one. Listen to the radio. Welcome to Night Vale.

 

….%%....%%....%%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

….%%....%%....%%

 

Dear listeners, today it is going to rain. I’m speaking to you from the studio as usual, but I’ve barricaded the door with a rather large metal filing cabinet filled with old rolls of recording tape and blood stones. Obviously there are no files, as the use of writing utensils is strictly forbidden, and access to computers is fairly restricted. I have no doubt that very soon station management will notice the new location of the filing cabinet and will understand that I am not on their side. They may try to--

 

_arh. cough cough COUGH arhghgh_

 

Sorry-- still not feeling my best, you may have noticed. To be perfectly honest, I think I’m getting chills. I’ve wrapped myself in a fluffy blue and gray plaid blanket that Carlos got me last month, but it’s not really helping. If I stop making sense, it’s because I’ve probably lost the function of some or most of my brain cells, and it would be appreciated if you sent help. As long as they aren’t StrexCorp employees.

 

StrexCorp is going ahead with the Big Rico’s sedative-laced pizza spheres, and again I warn you-- DON’T EAT THEM. And DON’T GO TO THE CITY CENTER AFTERWARDS FOR THE MANDATORY RAIN APPRECIATION SESSION. This is all part of a complex scheme by our nefarious overlords, StrexCorp, to lure us into a trap! If you go to the City Center, YOU WILL DIE. I don’t know how, but I know you will. STAY IN YOUR HOMES, NIGHT VALE. STAY IN YOUR HOMES. If you have nuclear blast bunkers or vegetable cellars, it is advised you shelter in those in lieu of your house.

 

Carlos has still not called. Or texted. Or dropped by. I have no idea where he is, or where he will be. Carlos, wherever you are, I hope you’re safe.

 

...I’m not sure what to report on. There are a few news items, but none of them very important or of consequence next to the looming massacre of Night Vale citizens by StrexCorp. I have a sponsored ad by StrexCorp...but I should hardly want to read that, should I? I--

 

_cough coUGH. Uhhh, cough, errrmmuu brrrrr huhauu_

 

Oh, listeners, I don’t think this is going to be a very good day at all. With that in mind, I think we’re going to do today’s broadcast a little backwards. While we have time to kill and Strex employees to defy, I take you

 

to the Weather.

 

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vf8e3OozHlI>

 

Welcome back, listeners. Station management still hasn’t noticed that I’m no longer on their team. Or maybe they have noticed and are just unconcerned. That would probably be the worse option.

 

I do have a traffic report on my desk, though, and it seems largely free of StrexCorp influence. It appears to be some sort of freeform poetry.

 

Safety in numbers is a lie.

There is no safety to be had anywhere. Least of all here.

Remember that.

Especially the bit about where you are now. Where are you now?

Xerox machines are everywhere, aren’t they?

Children play with their food. Shouldn’t you?

Ordinarily you wouldn’t, but would you to be safe?

Really? Interesting answer.

Please consider your response very carefully.

 

This has been: traffic.

 

Isn’t it nice to read something that isn’t slathered in StrexCorp this and StrexCorp that, up, down, every which--

 

_achk accchhhkkkk cough cogh ugghhh_

 

...Sickness has got to be one of the worst parts of being a human being. It’s right up there with breathing through screen doors in the month of February and walking barefoot over hot coals at the Night Vale Annual Mandatory Quilting Bee.

 

The time, dear listeners, when you are supposed to be eating the sedative-laced pizza spheres at Big Rico’s, is drawing near. Again I urge you not to attend. Stay away and stay safe.

 

_tap tap._

 

Listeners-- I think station management has finally spotted me. They’re moving towards the studio. Hang on a moment, I’ll switch to the button mike. That way I can continue giving you updates even if they move me somewhere else, or take me away...maybe Carlos--

 

_cough COUGH aurgh._

 

_pop_

_..._

_snap_

 

_tap tap._

 

We’re on the button mike now, listeners. Station management is staring silently through the window at the large metal filing cabinet pushed up against the door. I’ll go ask them what they want. Don’t worry; I’ve armed myself with a wooden yardstick I found behind the filing cabinet.

 

_> >Cecil._

 

Yes, StrexCorp station management goons? Yes, I know who you are! Stay away! I’m armed!

 

_> >Cecil._

 

Repetition of my name does not frighten me, StrexCorp!...What have you done with Carlos?

 

_> >Carlos isn’t coming._

 

Tell me where he is.

 

_> >You should be with him, Ceeeeciiiiillll. Come with us. You should be with him. He has so little time._

 

I--

 

_cough cough_

 

\--I am not going--

 

_cough COUGH_

 

\--anywhere with you!

 

_bang!_

 

_bang!_

 

They’re trying to get through the door. The filing cabinet is moving a little bit-- I don’t know how long it will hold. Listeners, this may be the end. I’m going to go down with this yardstick in hand though, with head held high--

 

_tap tap._

 

\--and _WHAT_ is that infernal tapping???

 

_tap tap._

 

Oh my. Listeners, there appears to be something tapping at the small grimy window in the corner of the studio. Let me open it…

 

_slide_

_click_

_slap_

_creak_

 

_flap flap_

_coo coo_

 

Listeners, there appears to be...a carrier pigeon at my window. Come here, boy.

 

_bang!_

 

He’s got a message attached to his feet, let me see…

 

_bang!_

 

Obviously someone sent this very urgently, as all writing devices ARE banned in Night Vale by order of the City Council…

 

_bang!_

 

I’m opening it...it doesn’t say who it’s from...but they know where Carlos is!

 

_crash!_

 

Hey, hey guys, how’s it going?

 

_> >Cecil_

 

Um...yeah? Stay back!

 

_> >You--_

 

_sniffle sniffle sob gasp_

 

Erm...is someone crying?...

 

_> >...Stay here. I will go see._

 

Yeah, go check on that, would you?...oh, only one of you? Ah...hi?

 

_bang bang_

 

**_Cecil!_ **

 

Oh, I am so popular today! Um...Jessica?

 

_bang bang sob_

 

Listeners, it would appear intern Jessica, locked in the women’s bathroom and tied to the toilet, is crying. She is also banging on something-- there's a sort of metallic ring to it, I think it may be the sides of the stall. One of station management has gone to check on her. The other is standing, blocking the door out of the studio. He is just staring at me, not moving or making any noise at all.

 

The other station manager is going into the women's bathroom...Jessica is still crying...LOOK OVER THERE!

 

_scuffle_

_bang_

_crack_

_screech_

_..._

_thud thud thud_

 

Listeners, I have escaped past station management. I pushed past the one at the door and the one in the women's bathroom ignored me. I think Jessica stopped crying. I hope she's okay.

 

_thud_

_thud_

 

You may have noticed that I am taking the stairs very quickly, listeners. No need to--

 

_cough cough akk_

 

Ugh...I'm okay, don't worry about me. I'm at the door...I'm grabbing a white umbrella with purple polka dots from the stuffed dragon's foot umbrella stand by the door...I still have the fluffy blue and gray plaid blanket Carlos gave me wrapped around my shoulders.

 

Listeners, I know where Carlos is. The carrier pigeon's message from an unknown person, plant, or creature, said that Carlos was at the City Center, and that he was in trouble.

 

The rain is almost here, listeners. The dark cloud fills the sky above me. It is casting a dark shadow over Night Va--

 

_cough cough ugh ah_

 

I need to...stop for a moment...I'm getting very dizzy...

 

_..._

 

...I'm okay, listeners. Carlos needs me. I'm okay. Lets...let's keep moving. The City Center isn't so terribly far from here...

 

...

 

...who knew...breathing...could be...such...a hardship? Well...the pink...sponge rocks...living on...the underside...of the Old...Green Bridge...probably do.

 

Oh, I'm getting closer, listeners. Listen-- lis--...lis...

 

_thump._  

 

_..._

 

_..._

 

_..._

 

Ah!...gar...I'm...okay. I'm okay. Just...got a little dizzy for a mo...why am I on the ground? Come on, Cecil. Almost there. Carlos needs you...beautiful Carlos...

 

...you can do it.

 

I'm in the City Center, listeners. It's packed with people. I guess they didn't listen to my warning.

 

Go! Citizens of Night Vale! Run! RUN! Why aren't you--

 

...they're looking over at me. They're...smiling. Some are holding half eaten pizza spheres from Big Rico's...they're...motioning to me. Come here, they're saying.

 

Don't you know you're in danger? StrexCorp will be here any moment. You--

 

_ting ting...plop...ting!_

 

...Listeners.

 

It's starting to rain.

 

_crack_

_whoosh_

 

I'm opening my umbrella. Everyone is just standing there, looking up at the rain. Some are-- _cough--_ sitting down. They're...lying down. Falling asleep. The half-eaten pizza spheres fall from their fingers and roll along the ground...

 

_ting ting ting_

 

I--Carlos! Carlos, I'm coming!

 

**Cecil? Cecil! Help!**

 

_ting ting plop_

 

Hold on, Carlos!

 

Listeners, Carlos is up on the raised pedestal in the-- _cough--_ middle of the courtyard, standing with his back to the unmarked sandstone obelisk.

 

**Cecil! Am I glad to see you!...and what is up with that umbrella?**

 

Carlos! Come down from there! Hurry!

 

_ting ting_

 

**I can't-- they tied my hands! You'll have to cut me free. StrexCorp grabbed me last night! Are you okay? I heard the broadcast--**

 

_ting ting plop_

 

I'm okay. What--

 

_cough cough_

 

**Cecil? CECIL?**

 

I'm--

 

_cough COUGH_

 

I'm okay. Where--

 

**Behind me. Try to cut the rope, or untie the knot.**

 

_ting ting splash_

 

**Ouch! That rain's cold!**

 

What? Where did you get it on you?

 

_scriff scriff_

 

**Just on my hands-- are you--**

 

Got it!

 

_ting splash splash ting_

 

**Come on, Cecil!**

 

No, stay under the umbrella!

 

**Okay-- oh, Cecil! You look awful.**

 

Nevermind that, stay out of the-- _cough--_ rain.

 

_ting ting plop_

 

What happened to-- _cough--_ everyone else?

 

**They came over here after eating and then...just laid down.**

 

The sedative?

 

**Probably. We can't help them. Just keep--**

 

_cough cough ugh_

 

_ting ting_

 

**Cecil? Cecil, stay with me. CECIL!...You're shaking!...hey, is that the blanket I got you?**

 

Uh-huh. I-hhhhh...hhh...ohhhhh

 

**Cecil, stay with me, dammit! CECIL!**

 

_slap_

 

\--wha? Oh, hi Carlos. You're so pretty...

 

_splash splash ting_

 

**Come on! The rain's starting to really come down now. You've probably got a fever, what were you thinking, going outside?**

 

Was thinking...had to rescue you...

 

**Yeah, well, who's doing the rescuing now? You feel...you're burning up, Cecil. Here--give me that blanket...let me...there we go. Put your arm around me, Cecil. That's it.**

 

Okay...Whatever you say, Carlos. Ooh...you're warm...

 

_ting ting splash splash plop_

 

...make sure you say goodnight, for me.

 

**What?**

 

_splash plop splash_

 

Say goodnight when you're done...they like it when you say goodnight.

 

**What _are_ you talking about, Cecil? Careful here-- there's a puddle...**

 

_splash splash_

 

You'll have to...take over the show for me. They like it...when you say goodnight at the end.

 

**Woah woah Cecil. Nobody's taking over anything for anybody, you hear me? We're going to get you home and tucked in bed, and then we're going to stop StrexCorp, okay? Once you're better....and you WILL get better, you hear me? That's my official pronouncement.**

 

As a...scientist?

 

**As a scientist.**

 

_splash splash plop ting ting ting_

 

**Yeah. Actually...you know, I think the studio's closer. Let's--crap.**

 

_SPLASH SPLASH_

_scrape_

 

...woah...

 

**Shhhhh.**

 

...

 

_ting ting plop_

 

_plop ting_

 

_splash SPLASH_

 

_SPLASH_

 

_..._

 

Carlos...

 

**Shhhh!**

 

_SPLASH SPLASH SPLASH_

 

_..._

 

_splash ting_

 

_ting ting plop_

 

**I think they're gone. Some StrexCorp goons, I think.**

 

They--

 

_cough cough_

 

\--looked like station management to me.

 

**Yeah, maybe. Granted, you're half delirious right now, but still...**

 

**...come on.**

 

_ting ting splash splash_

 

**I wonder what's so important about this rain. It just looks like ordinary rain to me...really cold, but ordinary...**

 

_ting ting ping_

 

**The dark clouds are strange, though, don't you think? All writhing and dark...alive. Oh Cecil, you're burning up...**

 

_splash ting plop_

 

**We're almost to the studio now...it's dark. Hopefully we'll have the place to ourselves. Otherwise we'll have to fight off any StrexCorp employees...Cecil, do you have a key?**

 

**...Cecil?**

 

_ting ting ting_

 

**Come on, Cecil. Don't die on me. Don't die on me. Look-- we made it! The radio station! Your second home. _Come on, Cecil!_ Open your eyes, come on, look at me, look at me, dammit! _Cecil!_**

 

_ting ting_

 

_slap_

 

**Oh, stay with me...that's it...just a little longer...where are your keys, Cecil? Where are-- there!**

 

_jingle clank_

 

_jangle_

_slide_

 

**Come _on!_**

 

_click_

 

**Come--oh, thank goodness! Ooph, Cecil, you're heavy, come on, stay with me.**

 

**I can't-- I can't get you up the stairs, Cecil. No no no...**

 

_schwoomf_

_slide_

_thump_

 

**Drop-- here, let's get rid of that umbrella...lock the door...**

 

_clank_

_slide_

_click_

 

**There we go. Just the two of us, like you wanted.**

 

**Come on, Cecil, here, you can have the blanket all to yourself, just...let's prop you up here against this wall, okay? Ohhhh...you're shaking again. Well at least that's something. Not dead yet, eh?...come on Cecil, laugh with me. Laugh with me like you**

 

_hic_

 

**used to. Don't...**

 

_hic_

 

**don't leave me here alone. Please. Come on, you've got me crying like I'm five. Well..almost crying. I can't even muster actual tears for you, Cecil, I'm so sorry. What**

 

_hic_

 

**do you want me to do?...I don't know what to do, Cecil. I'm a scientist, but...I don't know what to do.**

 

**Oh Cecil...you're so warm! I-- what's this? Let's-- what--why is there a bandage on the back of your neck? Come over here, Cecil, lean on me, that's right, let's just take that off...**

 

_scripp_

 

**_What is that?_ ** **Cecil? Oh, Cecil. What have they _done to you?_**

 

**Somewhere in this studio there's got to be...okay Cecil I'm going to go grab something quick, you just stay here and rest, okay? Okay. Come on, Carlos, pull yourself together.**

 

_scuffle_

 

**somewhere in here...**

 

_thud thud...thud......_

 

_..._

 

_..._

 

_...creak_

 

...

 

...

 

_thud...thud..thud_

 

_scuffle_

 

**Okay, Cecil, I'm back. You're...you're still okay, good. Can you hear me, Cecil? No...probably not. Just talking to myself, as usual. Come here, Cecil, just...easy...sorry if the floor's a little dirty. Though to be honest, it _is_ your station's floor...**

 

**Okay Cecil, now hold very still. This might hurt a little.**

 

**...err...owww...oh I'm sorry, sorry...ow. There! What _is_ that?**

 

ohhh....

 

**Cecil? Cecil, was that you?**

 

errrr....

 

**Cecil? Oh, you've gone under again. At least you've stopped shaking now. Is that good? I don't know. And I call myself a scientist. Just of nothing actually _useful._**

 

**Now...what are _you?_ Hmm...and, more importantly, what were you doing in the back of my boyfriend's neck, right underneath the skin? **

 

**Well, I certainly have no idea. Cecil, we'll just get this bandage on your neck then...try and stop the bleeding...there!**

 

**Well you look a little better now...Yeah Carlos, just keep talking to yourself. That's a perfectly sane thing to do. Although...Night Vale. Sanity. Not exactly a match made in heaven.**

 

_splash splash_

 

...

 

...

 

**I don't think we should stay here, Cecil. People about. I'd take you to my place, but I don't think we'd make it that far, so I guess we'll have to settle for someplace upstairs. Come on, Cecil, can you hear me? _Cecil?_ You've got to come round, I can't drag you upstairs all by my lonesome, you hear me? I--**

 

arrrrrhhh....

 

**Cecil? Cecil, come on, wake up. You can do it. Come on.**

 

ohhhhhh. Arrrrr...Carlos?

 

**Cecil! Cecil? Are you okay?**

 

Yeah, no...what...did we...how'd we get here? And ow! My neck hurts.

 

**Don't-- don't rub it. It-- here.**

 

What is _that?_

 

**I was hoping you'd have a guess. I pried it out of your neck just now. You kind of...collapsed...on the way here.**

 

Oh. Sorry. That must have been--

 

**It was worse for you.**

 

Oh.

 

...

 

**Let's--**

 

I--

 

...

 

You first.

 

**We should go upstairs. The lobby isn't the best place to take a nap.**

 

Good idea.

 

_scrape_

_rustle_

 

\--Oh.

 

**Hey, you okay, Cecil?**

 

Yeah, yeah, just...got a bit dizzy.

 

**Here, lean on me.**

 

Thanks.

 

_thud thud thud_

 

Did you at least make it exciting?

 

**What?**

 

My...collapsing. Entertaining, I hope? Filled with humorous anecdotes and interesting existential observations?

 

**...what are you talking about? Are you feeling alright?**

 

I'm in my right mind, Carlos. Just wondering if you damaged the reputation of Night Vale Community Radio too badly.

 

**Cecil, nothing you just said made sense.**

 

What, didn’t you know? Button microphone. Right here. We’ve been on the air this whole time.

 

**We _WHAT???_**

 

On the air. Whole time. No?

 

**CECIL GERSHWIN PALMER if you hadn’t almost died in my arms--**

 

I what?

 

**\--so help me, I’d...I’d…**

 

Careful what you say, Carlos. You _are_ on the air, after all.

 

**You cheeky...**

 

**_grumble grumble_ **

 

The studio is just down this hall. Stop here though.

 

**What, do you have to go to the bathroom?**

 

Intern Jessica...I sent her to the sand wastes to look at the cloud...she came back and...I don’t know...lost her mind. She tried to kill me with a CD case.

 

**_What?_ **

 

I thought you said you listened to the broadcast.

 

**Just the very end. I missed the beginning.**

 

Yeah, well, we locked her in the women’s bathroom for her own safety. Even tied her up...Jessica! Jessica? Could you pound on the door, Carlos?

 

_thump thump_

 

…

 

**I don’t hear anything.**

 

She was crying before I left. One of station management was going in to talk to her…here...wait, where are my keys?

 

**I’ve got them...I had to let us in downstairs.**

 

Ah.

 

_clank scrape_

 

**Wait. It’s already unlocked.**

 

Maybe station management left it unlocked when they left?

 

... _creak…_

 

**Oh no! Oh..uhh..don’t--**

 

Ohh! Errrr…

 

**All that blood… I think...I think maybe I’m going to go check on Khoshekh, okay? Here-- keep the blanket. You can lean on this doorframe if you need to. And...just call if you need anything, okay?**

 

Sure. Oh….

 

Listeners, I must reiterate my previous condolences to the family of intern Jessica. Also, apologies for the long absence of a radio professional, though I’m very certain Carlos, being a scientist, did a very good job.

 

I...listeners...if there indeed even is anyone listening to this...I’m working my way around the room, clinging to the row of sinks opposite the stalls, minding the broken mirror. The middle one, where we tied intern Jessica, has its door open. There--

 

…

 

Just catching my breath, listeners. No worries. There is a...sickening red trail of blood leading from the middle stall and scattered about the room, on the half-filled wooden crates of purple potatoes and the broken mirror. I can’t tell if it’s the blood that’s making me feel ill, or if it’s part of whatever I’ve been going through all day.

 

I’m moving closer...I am looking into the stall now…

 

Listeners, in all of my time as a radio host and as a citizen of Night Vale, I have never seen anything as horrible as this. Not even when the children of Night Vale Public Schools banded together to take down the raging feathered snake god with nothing but chainsaws and plastic spoons, not even when the Annual Night Vale Halloween Party ended in the slaughter of seventy-two citizens and twice as many children...Never have I seen something this terrible.

 

Intern Jessica’s insides...are no longer on her insides. It reminds me a little of the terrible decor of that other radio studio I reached by passing through a swirling black vortex during that sandstorm a little under a year ago. It’s all the more terrible when you recognize what little is left of her face, though. The top three quarters or so are intact, one of the few parts that are...her mouth is gone but her eyes are open, staring...staring at me.

 

It-- oh my...it’s very warm in here, and the stench of the blood is very strong. It’s fairly fresh, too. Someone left the window open, too, and it is so very hot outside...Oh...I think I’m going out now.

 

…

 

Carlos? I-- Carlos? Listeners, Carlos is not in the men’s bathroom. Khoshekh is still there, floating above the sinks as usual, but Carlos is not here.

 

Carlos?

 

…

 

Maybe he went into the studio.

 

_creak_

 

Carlos?...Listen--

 

_rustle_

 

**Ha!**

 

_crash_

 

Hey! Carlos? Wha--?

 

...Carlos? Woah...put that down. Car--

 

_shatter_

 

Not again! Twice in three days...come on! Erm...

 

_knock crash swish_

 

Stay back! Carlos, I...woah...I don’t know what happened to you, but it’s me, Cecil! Your boyfriend! No no, I said stay...stay…

 

\--back! Stay back! _Carlos!_

 

_clatter crash thud thud_

_thump_

 

_scrape_

_crack! thump_

 

…

 

Carlos? Carlos!

 

_scrape rustle rustle_

 

Carlos! I didn’t-- be okay, Carlos. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t’ve...oh no...

 

Um...listeners, I’m afraid Carlos...Carlos is hurt. If anyone knows the proper medical procedure for a...bleeding head wound...please call in as soon as you can.

 

Oh, Carlos.

 

I suppose I should explain myself, just in case anyone _is_ listening...

 

I came into the studio looking for Carlos when I heard him behind me. Naturally, I turned around, and it’s lucky I did when I did, because I narrowly avoided the large purple potato he had thrown at my head.

 

I retreated into the studio where, much to my horror, Carlos repeated the action intern Jessica had done only two days ago...he picked up one of the stray jeweled CD cases from the desk and broke it by striking it against the edge of the desk...I really need to put those CD cases in a drawer somewhere. And lock it.

 

Then of course there is the question of _why_ exactly Carlos was trying to kill me, which I have no answer to.

 

So here was Carlos, advancing on me with the broken CD case shard in his hand, when...I got a bit dizzy again. Honestly, I think I’ve just been running on adrenaline these last few minutes, and it's starting to wear off…

 

I think I must have taken a step backwards, because I got my foot tangled in some of the loose wiring along the far wall of the studio. My vision blurred and I couldn’t see where Carlos was, so I tried to run past him, but since my foot was caught, I just sort of fell forwards. Carlos must have moved forwards too, because I think he tripped on the wire my foot was holding taut as _I_ fell, and...well...the next thing I know, I’m lying on the ground and Carlos is too...but Carlos isn’t conscious...and there’s blood on the edge of the studio desk and in Carlos’ pretty hair…

 

I see the call-in light is off. I wonder if there is anyone listening to this. Or maybe just none of you are medical professionals. I totally understand. I wouldn’t want to impart incorrect information if it were _my_ favorite radio broadcaster’s boyfriend’s life on the line.

 

...Carlos? Carlos? He’s still out cold. He’s breathing though, so I guess the only thing I can do is wait and hope he wakes up…

 

What if he tries to kill me again?...I should tie him up. I’d go get the rope from the women’s bathroom, but I don’t want to go in there again. Or leave Carlos for very long.

 

I think there’s some rope behind the topaz bone fountain down in the lobby...I guess I’ll be getting that.

 

Well, listeners, the show probably should have ended quite a while ago, but as we can’t turn off the broadcasting equipment, I guess you get to stay with us a little longer. Actually, quite a bit longer, I should imagine. Perhaps indefinitely.

 

…

 

Well, feel free to ignore me then, whenever you feel the show ought to have ended. In the meantime-- rope.

 

Carlos...stay here and...try not to kill anyone, okay? Oh, Carlos, I'm sorry.

 

…

 

_rustle_

_scrape_

 

_…_

 

_thump_

_thump_

_thump_

 

_…_

 

_scriff_

 

_…_

 

_thump_

_thump_

_thump_

 

_…_

 

_scrape_

_rustle_

 

Oh my, Carlos, you’re heavy. Ooph. Now…

 

_thump_

 

I’m sorry about this, but you _are_ the one that tried to kill me...look, I’m even tying you to this nice chair in the studio instead of in the bathroom...oh Carlos. Here....let’s tie your hands to the leg of this table so you can’t walk off with the chair...oh Carlos, your hands are freezing! Actually...ice cold. Carlos?...Well at least the rest of you’s warm…Sorry about this again...there!

 

...there is some irony in this, I suppose. I just saved you from being tied up, and now I’m the one doing the tying!...the call-in light’s still off...

 

...I don’t know what to do, Carlos. You’re the scientist. You’d know what to do. You knew to pry that... _thing_...out of my neck. I don’t know what it was, but it’s probably what StrexCorp did to me...just a few days ago. Wiped my memory, I suppose. Or altered it. And, since I _am_ feeling quite a bit better now, it probably had something to do with my...condition.

 

I have only you to thank for that, Carlos. I owe you my life. And now I’ve tied you to a chair.

 

Well, you can at least have the blanket you gave me. In case you get cold. There you go.

 

Come on, Carlos, be okay. It was an accident. An accident, you hear? You'll be fine, just a little knock on the head...nothing a scientist can't handle...right?

 

...until you wake up, Carlos, I think I’m going to just rest for a bit, okay? I'll be right here. Just...close my eyes for a little while…man, I'm tired...

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

...

 

...

 

**ohhh...**

 

_rustle_

 

**Cecil? Ce--hey. Why...why am I--Cecil!**

 

hmmm?

 

**Cecil, wake up!**

 

hmm..oh! Carlos!...wait...how are you feeling?

 

**What do you mean, how am I feeling? I’m tied to a chair!**

 

Sorry about that.

 

**You-- _you tied me to a chair?_**

 

I said I was sorry.

 

**...Cecil, you’d better start explaining...and _oh_ do I have the mother of all headaches! And the father of all stomachaches!**

 

You...don’t you remember?

 

**Remember? Remember what? One moment I was petting Khoshekh, careful to avoid the poisonous spine ridges and minding my allergy, and the next, I wake up here, tied to a chair!**

 

The last person who went postal on me got tied to a toilet, so I’d think the chair would be a plus.

 

**Went--oh no! Cecil, I didn’t...are you okay?**

 

Yeah. More by accident than anything, though. You came at me with one of the purple potatoes from the women's bathroom, and then broke a CD case and tried to stab me with it. Just like intern Jessica.

 

**What? Cecil, I don’t remember doing any of that. I swear. I would never--**

 

I know. Intern Jessica wouldn’t’ve either. And she didn’t remember doing it either.

 

**She...she didn’t?**

 

No. I figured it was best to tie you up just in case. You seem okay, though-- Here, I'll untie you--

 

**No...no! About Jessica--that’s a good point...I'll be--owww.**

 

_rustle_

 

Carlos? Hey--are you okay? Is it your head? You bumped it after I...accidentally tripped you…

 

**Oww, no it’s that stomachache. And whatever you did to knock me out, thanks. I wouldn’t want...it’s good that I didn’t hurt you.**

 

Do you need anything? Can I get you anything?

 

**Um...water, maybe?...It’s not that bad, Cecil, you don’t have look at me like that.**

 

Water, gottcha. There’s a vending machine in the hallway...give me a sec.

 

_creak_

 

_…_

 

_rustle_

_beep_

_clank_

_clink clink_

_swoosh_

_clatter_

_rumble_

_beep_

 

_…_

 

_creak_

 

Here you go, Carlos. I even got you the type that hasn’t been strained by green moss and Night Vale Lagoon slime...I always think that stuff has a sort of weird taste. I think it's the packaging.

 

**Thanks. Um...tied hands?**

 

Oh, of course. Here.

 

_snap_

 

Tilt...yeah…

 

…

 

**Thanks.**

 

**Listen, I’ve been thinking...you said Jessica tried to kill you, too? And she didn’t remember afterwards?**

 

Yeah.

 

**So what else do we have in common?**

 

In common?

 

**Yeah. We didn't both go nuts and try to kill you by coincidence. Let's think this through. We're different ages, different genders. Recent activities.**

 

Um...she worked here. She went to check out the cloud, wandered around in the desert...

 

**...I got rain on me.**

 

What?

 

**On my hands, Cecil, just as you got there. It rained on me.**

 

So?

 

**Jessica was looking at the cloud. She must have gotten rained on. That's the connection.**

 

You think whatever this is...homicidal tendencies and then memory loss...are brought on by the rain?

 

**It would make sense.**

 

I guess so. You _are_ the scientist here. Such a good scientist.

 

**Yeah, well, look what happened to Jessica.**

 

I...oh.

 

**Not too great of an outlook, is it?**

 

Maybe...well, how do we know something else didn't get her?

 

**We don't. But think about it. What else could have done it? What else were Jessica and I both exposed to? And what would be the point of the rain otherwise?**

 

I...maybe it doesn't have to have a point.

 

**Then why would StrexCorp sponsor it so extensively? And bother sedating the pizza spheres? Getting everyone into the City Center, tying me up there...No, no, the rain caused this. Something about the rain...makes people attack each other and then...well, you saw Jessica. It tears them apart.**

 

But...so StrexCorp and the rain are connected?

 

**Yeah. Jessica thought...Jessica thought the cloud was alive, right? So maybe it's a partnership. Maybe StrexCorp and the rain are in business together.**

 

So the rain gets to...what? Kill people?

 

**Or something worse.**

 

But why is StrexCorp helping them? They must be getting something in return, right?

 

**Yeah. Money? Whatever money is to something like StrexCorp. Some sort of profit, I'm sure. Maybe they butter up the community by sedating them all with things like the pizza spheres, and then, once everyone is dead, they take over the city and...I don't know...liquidate the assets? We don't know anything about them, Cecil. They may not be--well, let's face it, probably are not-- even human. Maybe they eat the negative energy created by mass death, or maybe it's a ritual with religious significance...hell, they could be the rain's slaves, sent ahead to prepare today's lunch...we just don't _know._**

 

Then...then we'll find out. Or maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe all that matters is figuring out how to stop StrexCorp.

 

**Know thy enemy, Cecil. We need to figure out how they operate, what they want. And what their weaknesses are.**

 

Okay....Science! Great!...how do we do that again?

 

**Check out Jessica's body, for a start. Maybe we can find a clue as to how this thing works.**

 

Okay--

 

**Hey, hey, no! Don't untie me.**

 

Well, don't you want to come with?

 

**You saw me. I'm...infected. The rain, remember? I'm a loaded gun, Cecil. I could turn at any moment and try to kill you again. I've already tried once, and I'm not going to give myself the opportunity to do it again.**

 

No, no, Carlos. You won't. Jessica-- maybe Jessica was different. Maybe going crazy is a one-time deal. Maybe you're over it now.

 

**Who smashed the mirror, Cecil?**

 

What?

 

**The mirror in the women's bathroom. It was broken. All over the floor. If it wasn't recent, it would have been cleaned up. Who broke it?**

 

Well, we don't know...though...Jessica did. But she didn't remember...

 

**You see? I'm going to turn again, at least once more, just like Jessica...I don't want to hurt you, Cecil.**

 

You won't, Carlos. Maybe...maybe I can reason with you...

 

**And what if you can't? What if I-- no. It's too dangerous, Cecil.**

 

Well then how are we supposed to check out the bathroom if you refuse to let me untie you?

 

**You'll have to go without me.**

 

But I'm not a scientist! I won't know what to look for, which details are important and which aren't.

 

**You're a radio host, Cecil. All you do all day is describe things. Go and come back and describe everything to me.**

 

...how about you just come with? It'll only take a few minutes.

 

**Cecil--**

 

You could keep your hands tied behind your back. And walk in front of me. I'll be perfectly safe.

 

**...**

 

Come oooooon, Carlos, it'll be faster...And I don't want to go back in there alone. Pleeeeease.

 

**...fine. Fine! Five minutes. Come over and untie me from this...whatever this is. Then tie my hands again, right away.**

 

_scripp_

 

Are you sure--

 

**Hurry! We don't know how quickly this comes on.**

 

Sure you don't want your hands tied in front?

 

**Yes, yes, very sure. I could still strangle you with my hands tied. Come on. Tighter. _Tighter,_ Cecil! That's-- okay. Okay. Just remember-- I do anything--**

 

Yeah, yeah.

 

**Cecil, I'm serious. Look at me. I do anything, hit me. Here-- take that broken piece of CD case. That should slow me down.**

 

Carlos!

 

**Cecil, either you take that or you kick me to the curb right now. It's dangerous enough having me here. Your decision.**

 

...

 

**Okay, good. Now...keep me in front of you. I won't make any sudden movements. Okay?**

 

...

 

**_Okay?_ **

 

Yeah, yeah, okay.

 

**Now...women's bathroom. The blood sigil. Who did that?**

 

Me. 

 

**Cecil--**

 

It's perfectly alright. I know it's strange to you, but in Night Vale blood isn't very taboo. We have bloodstones, and sigils, and lots of dark magic--

 

**Okay okay. Walk me through exactly what happened since Jessica left the studio.**

 

Well, you called. Told me to send someone to check out the cloud to the east of town; intern Jessica went.

 

**Okay.**

 

She texted later that day, something about rain. I don't really remember the particulars.

 

**Something about rain. So was it raining then? Or just a cloud? Did she say?**

 

Um...well, I assumed it was just a cloud, but it must have been...no, it _was_ raining! I remember she said the rain was really cold.

 

**So that part of the theory holds. The rain caused the...whatever, infection, I guess. So she texted you.**

 

Yeah. I didn't see her at all the rest of the day...or at least I don't think I did...then she showed up with John Peters--you know, the farmer. He said he found her wandering the sand wastes and took her here because he found the Night Vale Community Radio card in her pocket.

 

**Does John Peters often visit the sand wastes?**

 

Quite regularly, yes. One of his bean fields is in a hidden gully somewhere in the sand wastes. The location changes every Thursday at two pm.

 

**Hmm. So what happened next?**

 

Well, intern Jessica seemed like herself...I took her into the studio to interview her live on the air about what she had seen. She...she seemed to stop looking at me, started looking through me. She was mumbling about rain and the cloud. I mentioned StrexCorp and she...she freaked out. Started chanting "Strex Strex Strex" and all sorts of nonsense...then she broke the CD case and came at me.

 

**And you...what? Knocked her out?**

 

Actually...well...no. She just sort of stopped and fell over. Like she'd run out of batteries. Maybe getting her all worked up did something to her. Then station management showed up and they told me to lock her in the bathroom.

 

**Wait, station management did? The StrexCorp goons?**

 

Yeah. 

 

**I wonder why.**

 

Well, the next day she was up and about again like her old self, demanding to know what had happened. I don't think she remembered any of it. She wanted to know who'd broken the mirror. Her hand was hurt, though, and it was bleeding and there were shards of glass in it, so we figured she'd smashed the mirror. No one else could have come in. The window and door were locked. I tied her up so she couldn't hurt herself any more.

 

**Hmm.**

 

Then this morning, when I was trying to figure out where you were, she started crying. One of station management went in to talk to her. Then I ran out and came straight to you.

 

**And from there we came back and found her dead.**

 

Yeah...you going to open the door? You wanted to see the bathroom.

 

**Yes, of course.**

 

_creak_

 

**Oh, that is just awful. And why is it so hot? The wind--Cecil.**

 

Yeah?

 

**You said you locked the window.**

 

I--I did. And it was locked earlier, when we found she'd broken the mirror...but...but it was open when we got back. I remember it being hot.

 

**So who opened the window?**

 

Jessica, maybe? When she was crying?

 

**Who opens a window when it's 90 degrees out? And you said she'd hurt her hand. Kind of hard to open a window with one hand. And then she was tied up.**

 

So..what? Station management?

 

**Yes, but why?**

 

To let something in?

 

**It's a story off the ground.**

 

So...to let something out?

 

**Yes, but what? ...look at her, Cecil. She's been torn apart. Maybe the thing tearing her apart was inside of her.**

 

What, you mean like a...a...

 

**How long from when she got...infected...to when she...died?**

 

We don't know when exactly she died, but...about two and a half days. What are you thinking?

 

**You know how I said I thought the cloud was alive?**

 

Yeah?

 

**Well I think it's trying to further its race.**

 

Like...children?

 

**Or spores, or seeds, or eggs. Or, in this case, whatever a cloud calls a child.**

 

So you think--

 

**I don't think the rain is rain at all. I think it's the cloud's children. Larvae. But they need to...I don't know...incubate or something. Incubate inside someone.**

 

For two and a half days?

 

**And then they...emerge. Like butterflies from a cocoon.**

 

So--oh, that's...that's not right.

 

**Even by Night Vale standards? I'm surprised, Cecil, I thought you were un-shockable.**

 

I mean, we have regulations for this sort of thing. If the Sheriff's Secret Police pick you out for something like this, that's one thing...but they'd never put the whole town at risk. Especially if it was deadly. There's a natural order, a government-mandated system...leave it to StrexCorp to break our time-honored traditions. Though how you even figured out that's what was going on...just from a couple glances. Oh Carlos, you're such a--

 

**\--good scientist, yeah, yeah, I know. We still don't know how to stop them, though, so fat lot of good that did. Now come and tie me back up quick.**

 

**... _Cecil_.**

 

Yeah, okay. Can we not go in there anymore? That was...more horrible the second time.

 

_scrape_

 

**Come on, Cecil. Get the rope.**

 

I still don't like this.

 

**Yeah, well, neither--ohh.**

 

Carlos? _Carlos?_

 

**I'm okay, I'm okay. Just tie me up. Just that stomachache again.**

 

_scriff_

 

Wait, do you think--

 

...

 

Jessica...intern Jessica had a stomachache. She said so...

 

**I think I may be right, then. Incubation, stomachache-- does make an awful lot of sense, doesn't it? Though...two and a half days.**

 

We'll figure it out, Carlos; you'll see.

 

**Oh, I don't think we will, Cecil.** **Not me, anyway. You.**

 

Carlos!

 

**I'm not...let's face it, Cecil. I can't do this.**

 

What? Of course you can! You've already figured so much out--you're a scientist! If anyone can do this, you can!

 

**You're going to have to be a scientist for me, okay Cecil?...And you'll be a great scientist. I know it.**

 

Carlos--

 

**Cecil, I'm infected. I'm dangerous. It takes over my mind, I'm not myself-- I tried to kill you, Cecil!**

 

You can't--

 

**Cecil, I don't want to die. I really don't. But I don't want to hurt you, either. So if I'm going to die anyway, I don't want to be ripped apart, and I don't want it to be because of the rain, or StrexCorp...I want you to do it.**

 

...No. No way. Never.

 

**Cecil, please! I...I don't want to hurt you. The...the shard from the CD case is right behind you...it looks like it would be relatively painless.**

 

No-- I-- I refuse. You...you're not in your right mind. You'll feel differently...

 

**Cecil Palmer, look me in the eyes. Look. Trust me when I say that you're the love of my life and I'd rather die here, in this studio, with you, than in some bathroom standing over your body.**

 

Then you, Carlos, look _me_ in the eye and trust me when I say that you're the love of _my_ life and I'd rather die by your hand in some bathroom than live without you in this studio for one minute.

 

...

 

**At least send me away, then. I'll go as far as I can and lock myself in somewhere...that way even if I...I won't be able to hurt you. Hopefully no one else either. I'll still end up like Jessica, though.**

 

No you won't. And you're not leaving, either. You're staying right here, with me, and we're going to figure this out, and then we're going to make you better. We'll take down StrexCorp all on our own if we have to, you hear me? From this very station.

 

**Cecil--**

 

I'm not doing it, Carlos. You're staying here, and that's final.

 

**...**

 

**...Just keep me tied up, then. And you have to promise me something.**

 

Anything. 

 

**If I turn, if I try to kill you again...don't let me. Do whatever you have to, but don't let me hurt you. Promise?**

 

...what if--

 

**Cecil.**

 

...

 

...fine. I promise.

 

**Good...and Cecil?**

 

**...thank you.**

 

Well, you really couldn't've thought this could have ended any other way, could you?

 

**...**

 

_Seriously?_ Carlos...I could never hurt you.

 

**And I could never hurt you. Which is why this scares me so much. Because when it takes me over again--and it _will_ take me over again-- it wouldn't be me doing it. But it would be me to you.**

 

Don't worry, Carlos; we won't let it get that far. We'll figure this out, the two of us. There's got to be a cure, or a poison, or something to stop the incubation process. If it can't mature, it can't...emerge. Or maybe StrexCorp can reverse it somehow.

 

**I hope you're right.**

 

I know I am. We've got...what...almost two days now? All the time in the world. Everyone in Night Vale who was in that square was infected, but not everyone was there. They're all trying to solve this just like we are. Maybe someone has already figured something out. And all we have to do is ask...because everybody listens to the radio. We can bring everyone together, we can figure out a plan. You'll be just fine, Carlos, you'll see.

 

**...okay.**

 

Alright...now what?

 

**Well, it's probably too late to rally the forces of Night Vale-- everybody may listen to the radio, but nobody's paying it any attention in the middle of the night.**

 

Fair enough.

 

**You should get some sleep. Big day tomorrow, taking down StrexCorp.**

 

You too, though.

 

**I don't need to sleep. What do I have to do tomorrow? Sit around tied to a chair? Not exactly a workout. Besides, someone should keep watch, in case station management comes back.**

 

Then it should be me. As you said, you're tied to a chair--what are you going to do if someone does show up?

 

**I'll shout, don't worry. And you were the one passing out in the street earlier. You need to recuperate, in case I...in case something comes in the middle of the night and tries to kill us. You'd be too exhausted to fight it off.**

 

Well-- ...

 

**There, see? You look about half dead as it is. Go to sleep, Cecil. I doubt I could anyway, tied to a chair and all.**

 

Okay...but if something comes up, you wake me up, okay? I don't care if it turns out to be a spider, you wake me up.

 

**Sure, okay.**

 

Alright. Well...you're kind of by the door, so I guess I'll just lie down over here in the corner. This station really isn't all that big. Do you need anything?

 

**No, no. I'll be alright until morning.**

 

Okay...but don't be afraid to wake me up for something. I'll be lucky if I get any sleep at all. Too much going on.

 

_rustle rustle_

 

**Oh, I think you'd be surprised.**

 

Make sure you wake me to switch watch, too.

 

**Sure.**

 

...Good night, Carlos. Goodnight.

 

….%%....%%....%%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

….%%....%%....%%

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's weather was "Buy the Stars" by Marina and the Diamonds.
> 
> As ever, comments are welcome!!


	6. In which StrexCorp makes an appearance and Carlos and Cecil do research

**On the air the whole time. Wow, just wow, Cecil. That is so you. Taking the people right to the action. Couldn't leave the microphone for one minute. Radio professional...radio professional through it all. Evil clouds with rain that incubates inside people. Sedative-laced pizza spheres. Brainwashing... _things_...stuck right on his spine, StrexCorp station management on his tail and so sick he could barely stand up...and he still came to rescue me. Only in Night Vale. I should have gotten a pamphlet when I got here: crazier things around every corner, your life in jeopardy every minute, and a radio host so loyal he'd sooner see himself killed by his maniacal half-possessed boyfriend than save himself...oh, and Welcome to Night Vale!**

 

….%%....%%....%%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

….%%....%%....%%

 

Ooohhhh

 

_stretch_

_rustle_

 

...Carlos?

 

**Mmmmm?**

 

Carlos, why is it morning?

 

**Well, that's usually what happens when the earth--**

 

No no. I know all about the blood sacrifices and the Charter, what I want to know is why you didn't wake me up to switch watch.

 

**Oh, you needed the sleep.**

 

Yeah, Carlos, so did you. I-- oh. Ow.

 

**Sore?**

 

Yeah, the back of my neck mostly.

 

**You should change the bandage.**

 

Yeah. What time is it anyway?

 

**Nine-ish or so, I should imagine.**

 

_Nine?_

 

**Yeah.**

 

I usually wake up before seven!

 

**Like I said, you were tired.**

 

And you stayed up this whole time?

 

**I'm a scientist. I've pulled all-nighters before.**

 

You should have woken me up.

 

**You looked so peaceful. I didn't want to disturb you.**

 

_sigh_

 

Well, I guess that ship's sailed anyway. We _are_ on a time crunch, though. A day and a half, remember? Until...oh, I should have woken up earlier...

 

I should start the broadcast...ask if anyone knows anything...

 

**What about that...button microphone?**

 

Hmm? Oh yeah. Hey.

 

_tap_

_crackle_

_crackle_

 

I think it's still on, actually. Hehe. That thing's so small, I forget about it sometimes.

 

Hello, listeners! Pre-supposing that there are, indeed, listeners. As you know, we are unable to stop broadcasting due to what I can only suppose is some kind of bent wire or seriously mangled cable. Sorry again about you having to listen to our personal lives. It is not very professional and I-- _stop laughing Carlos._

 

**I’m sorry. I-- it’s just that...it’s practically the end of the world, and you’re worried about _professionalism._**

 

Yes, well...there’s no point in descending into anarchy for the end of the world, is there?

 

Now, where was I? Oh yes, the cloud. As you know, the ominous cloud that rolled over Night Vale yesterday after-- _Carlos that is really very distracting._

 

**Sorry, sorry.**

 

What now? You’re really going to have to leave the studio if you keep interrupting the show.

 

**It’s--we’ve been on the air all night. They’ve been listening to every thoughtless comment either of us have said. And then you get all serious and go down into your _radio voice_. It’s adorable.**

 

I...I...well, thank you Cecil.

 

**That’s all. Carry on.**

 

Erm...okay. Listeners, a quick recap, if you will. StrexCorp is not what they seem. They are not a kindly, benevolent corporation looking out for Night Vale’s best interests, like they want us to think. Instead, they are strangers, outsiders, and they bring death and deceit. StrexCorp is not a friend of Night Vale’s. They laced the pizza spheres at Big Rico’s with a sedative and sent us to the City Center so that we’d be outside and complacent when the rain came. And the rain, dear listeners...the rain is not rain. And the cloud is not a cloud. As far as notable scientist Carlos and myself have been able to determine, the cloud is alive. I repeat, the cloud is alive. If you got rain on you, you have been, for lack of a better term, infected. … Carlos...Carlos the scientist is infected, listeners. As far as we can tell, there is a two and a half day period where the rain sort of...incubates. At that point, it would appear...the host dies.

 

If anyone knows anything about this, about StrexCorp or the rain or the cloud or anything at all, please call in. Any information you can supply, no matter how trivial it may seem to you, could help enormously. I will also broadcast any and all information received so that we can try to figure this out together, as a town. I’ll be here in the studio at Night Vale Community Radio all day, most likely, unless some StrexCorp employees are listening to this and pay us a visit. But please, _please_ call in if there’s anything you know, or suspect, or think you know, or think you suspect, because any little thing could help. Thank you.

 

Now, since station management has long since ceased to be in the building, and no one has called anything in still, I’m afraid we have no news, no traffic, and, alas, no horoscope sheet planned for today. What we have instead is a major catastrophe, so stay in your homes when possible. Avoid StrexCorp employees at all costs. We do not know how to kill them or, indeed, if they even can be killed. Those touched by the rain may temporarily be...possessed, again for lack of a better term. They may try to kill you. Our number one priority, Night Vale, has to be finding a way to cure this infection. So far the only symptom, apart from possession, is a stomachache. If you have been experiencing this symptom and, perhaps, there are gaps in your recent memory that have a different texture to them than the gaps in your memory that are government sanctioned, you may be infected. Again, please call in if you have any information, any time of the day or night. I've recorded this message and will be broadcasting it periodically throughout the day. Thank you.

 

_click_

 

And...there! It should play on repeat every ten minutes. Someone will call in, I know it.

 

**Let's hope so. In the meantime, we...we... _yawn_**

 

Aha! You _are_ tired! I knew it.

 

**Just a...just a... _yawn..._ little.**

 

Well, how about you get some sleep?

 

**We've got work to do. Research.**

 

I can do research.

 

**Ha!...sorry.**

 

I've seen you do it. It doesn't look that hard.

 

**It...well, maybe.**

 

See? Just tell me what I have to do.

 

**Well, see what the Internet has to say about StrexCorp and killer clouds, I suppose. If this has happened before, there should be a record of it somewhere.**

 

Then I'll be right on it

 

**I can do research too, you know.**

 

With no hands?

 

**I...**

 

Go to sleep, Carlos. I'll hold the fort down. I'll even re-tie you to the bottom of the desk leg so you can lie down with your hands behind your back. You'd be on your side, but that's better than sleeping sitting up, at any rate.

 

**I still think I could help.**

 

Sleep for a while first, though. A scientist needs to be well-rested, yes?

 

**...okay then. But wake me up for anything, okay?**

 

I feel like we've had this conversation before.

 

**Yeah, and nothing happened, so I didn't wake you up. Easy as that.**

 

Sure it did.

 

_sriff scriff_

 

There. Stretch your hands for a moment.

 

_rustle_

 

**Okay, just tie me up again quick.**

 

If I must. I still don't like this, Carlos...

 

**Well I don't like the thought of me going postal on you again, so, tied up I stay.**

 

Here's the blanket...get you all tucked in.

 

**Thanks.**

 

Don't mind me, I'll just be sitting over here seeing if I can find anything on the parts of the Internet the City Council hasn't blocked...and maybe a few they have. One of the interns here about...oh about a year ago, I can't remember his name...he taught me how to bypass the protocols. It's a shame, the way he mysteriously disappeared after visiting the man-eating swamp in the middle of Main Street. All in the line of duty, I suppose.

 

**That all sounds very fascinating, Cecil.**

 

Indeed it is, the least of which is the question of exactly _how_ a man-eating swamp walks to Main Street without anyone noticing, and the most of which is _why_ a man-eating swamp suddenly decided to go vegetarian after Christmastime...

 

**I'm going to sleep now, Cecil.**

 

Oh yes. Sorry.

 

...

 

_click click click_

 

Killer rain, StrexCorp, and stomachaches. Science. Research. Hmm, let's see...

 

...

 

...

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

...

 

...

 

_click click click_

 

**...hmmm.**

 

You awake?

 

**Yeah. How long--?**

 

It's like five.

 

**Five? In the afternoon?**

 

Yeah. And before you protest, nothing happened.

 

**What?**

 

Eight hours of me staring at this blasted screen, and nothing! Mentions of StrexCorp all over the place, mostly charitable donations, community involvement, and ownership agreements. I found seven towns that StrexCorp came in and bought up, and those seven towns are now abandoned. After a year-- everyone was found, torn apart. No survivors. I don't think anyone realized what was going on until it was too late. One town had a visitor who came in during the incubation period, but he left town quick, probably because everyone tried to kill him. I looked him up for about an hour, but he's dead too. Died last spring.

 

**Did you try contacting his relatives? Friends? Maybe he told someone something?**

 

No good. I tried that, called every number that was even remotely related. Apparently he never talked about it, and from what his wife said, he didn't stay in town long enough to have figured anything out anyway. I'm sorry, Carlos. I-- I really tried. I looked everywhere. Even ventured outside to see if there was any change--

 

**You did _what_ , Cecil? Someone could have--StrexCorp could have gotten you!**

 

I just popped my head out, okay? I saw a couple employees, but they were prowling down the other end of the street and they didn't see me. I made sure of it. The rain from yesterday-- the rain in puddles-- is almost entirely gone now. Evaporated, I suppose. Those of us not infected probably won't get infected, then, if all the rain is gone. The sky's clear, too. No sign of the cloud. Oh, and a rainbow. I thought that was odd because rainbows aren't real, but...it did _look_ very real. There's never been a rainbow in Night Vale before, not as far as I can remember. I looked rainbows up too-- they're a reflection of light on water molecules in the air, like those caused by rain. It's a symbol of peace, that everything will be okay, even though everything is certainly not alright in Night Vale. Naturally I laughed at that because everyone knows rainbows are signs sent by the County Financial Committee that great economic disaster is about to befall us. I liquidated all of my stocks, and yours too, so no worries.

 

**I don't have any stocks.**

 

When you came to Night Vale, you were automatically awarded five shares in Outsider Citizen Stock. It's been doing very poorly, and I'm afraid you've lost three hundred dollars.

 

**Naturally.**  

 

Yeah, but...Carlos. No one knew how to stop StrexCorp. No one has lived to talk about it. Even the dead are silent. And no one called in. Broadcasting an open message for help for eight hours straight... And nothing. Maybe everyone got infected. Maybe they're all dead...maybe it's just us.

 

**Or maybe they just don't know anything. Don't want to call in just to say they have nothing to say.**

 

Maybe...I'm not sure where else to--

 

_clatter_

 

Was that you?

 

**No.**

 

...

 

_clatter_

 

**...I think there's someone downstairs.**

 

I think you're right....but I locked the door.

 

**Someone with a key?**

 

Station management.

 

...

 

I'm going down to stop him.

 

**Wait wait shhh Cecil! Untie me!**

 

You said--

 

**Forget what I said! I'm not letting you go down there on your own.**

 

_scriff_

 

What's the plan?

 

**The plan? I thought you had a plan, you were about to go down there!**

 

I figured that since you wanted to come so badly, you had a plan!

 

_creak_

 

...

 

**I have a plan. You stay here, and I'll go down and take him out.**

 

You mean you'll distract him while _I_ take him out.

 

**No, I mean you stay here and let me take care of this. I'm a dead man walking, Cecil. What does it matter if I die? You're okay; you're not infected.**

 

That doesn't mean I'm going to let you throw your life away.

 

**What, like you were about to?**

 

_creak_

 

...

 

I think he's up here now.

 

**That settles it. You stay here.**

 

_squeak_

 

Shhh! Carlos!

 

_creak_

 

_..._

 

**Crap.**

 

Well there goes the element of surprise.

 

**Duck!**

 

_smash!_

 

_> >Arrrrrhhh!!!_

 

Carlos!

 

_crash_

 

_> >Cease your offensive! StrexCorp--_

 

Hit him again, Carlos!

 

_crash_

 

**Cecil, watch out!...ow!**

 

_smack_

 

_bang crash!_

 

_> >Do not resist. StrexCorp does not tolerate insurrection._

 

**Too bad, then!**

 

_crash_

 

_clatter_

 

_> >You have been touched by the rain. Surrender and come with me. StrexCorp has been looking for you._

 

**Hey, hey, before I go with you, you want to know something scientifically interesting?**

 

...

 

_> >...sure._

 

**If you drop a...let's see...a paperclip like this one here, from a specified height--say, six inches above eye level, it will fall through the air at the same rate and hit the ground at the same time as, say...a giant venomous potted plant from the men's bathroom.**

 

_CRASH!_

 

_thump_

 

**Unless acted upon by an equal or greater force, of course. Like your head.**

 

Carlos, that...that was AMAZING! The bit about science especially.

 

**Yeah, well, how's your head? You went right through the men's bathroom door.**

 

It's okay. Mostly my shoulder hurts, though.

 

**Yeah, well I think we learned something today.**

 

That the venomous potted plants in the men's bathroom are useful after all?

 

**No, that StrexCorp employees aren't indestructible.**

 

He's not...he's not dead, is he?

 

_rustle_

 

**Not dead, no. But you knocked him out. That's something. We should tie him up before he comes to. Otherwise he’ll just run off and come back with reinforcements...And then tie me up as well.**

 

Carlos...

 

**Don't argue, Cecil. Just...oh he's a lot heavier than you are. Get something to tie him up with. And a chair or something.**

 

Where should we tie him up? Not in the studio, surely.

 

**No...all we've got up here is the hallway and the bathrooms so...men's bathroom?**

 

I'll fetch some more rope from downstairs, you watch him. I'll make sure the station door's locked, too.

 

**Good idea.**

 

...

 

_thump thump thump..._

 

_..._

 

_..._

 

_thump thump thump..._

 

_..._

 

Here. Who knew all that rope would be so handy?

 

**You'll have to help me drag him inside.**

 

Oomph. Mind Khoshekh.

 

**Ehh**

 

Errrrrrr. 

 

_scraaaaaaaape_

 

_thump_

 

**Now, the rope.**

 

_scriff scrafff_

 

Nice and tight?

 

**Yeah, he isn't going anywhere.**

 

...

 

Now what?

 

**Well, wait for him to wake up, I suppose.**

 

...I don't want to stay in the men's bathroom all day.

 

**Yeah, me neither. Let's go.**

 

_creak_

 

I suppose...

 

**Yep. Tie me up, Scotty.**

 

....?

 

**Sorry, I guess classic television isn't big here.**

 

Most of the channels are government sponsored, so yeah. It's an art unto itself, government-sponsored television. Lots of beheadings, and tax programs, and quiz shows.

 

**Sounds like a blast.**

 

_scriff_

 

**Come on, Cecil. I could slip that knot in a second.**

 

Your wrists are so red from the last one, though--

 

**Don't worry about it. It doesn't hurt that much.**

 

I can tell when you're lying, Carlos.

 

...

 

_scriff_

 

There. Is _that_ tight enough for you? Ready to cut the circulation off entirely?

 

**Thank you, Cecil.**

 

Yeah, well, keep telling me that. Maybe someday it'll make me feel better.

 

...

 

**Cecil, don't be angry with me. I'm just trying to do what's best.**

 

For me?

 

**For both of us. Having me untied is just inviting trouble. I'll stay with you, Cecil, but you have to accept that...maybe I can't be saved.**

 

Carlos--

 

**You said it yourself. You couldn’t find anything online. No one called in. Maybe this story just doesn’t have a happy ending.**

 

The hell it doesn’t. StrexCorp isn’t invincible. They can't be. They have to have a weakness, a chink in their armor. Everything has a weakness, even this infection. We’ll find it.

 

**Yes, but will we find it in time? Two days, Cecil, two days. I know you’ll figure it out...and maybe you’ll be in time to save the next town. But I think it’s too late for Night Vale, and it’s too late for me.**

 

Oh yeah? You said no one called in, and no one did. But those were citizens. And everyone I looked at online was a victim. But you know who might know something? StrexCorp. And the station manager tied up in the men’s bathroom.

 

**Cecil-- no no no--**

 

I’ll figure this out, alright. Right now, as a matter of fact. One way or another.

 

**Cecil, Cecil-- don’t leave me here--come back--don't do this-- _Cecil!_**

 

_scrape_

 

_bang_

 

_..._

 

Okay, Mr. Station Management. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Still sleeping? Hard way, then. Oh, I haven’t done this in a long time...

 

_smash_

_crunch_

_crack!_

 

Ahh! Hurts just as much. Hey! HEY!

 

_> >...ehhh? Eh!_

 

Yeah, you, StrexCorp sleazebag. You’ve been watching over me, monitoring my every move for who knows whole long, but in case you don’t remember me, hello my name is Cecil Palmer, and you just poisoned the person I care most about in this world, so cards on the table. What do you know about the rain?

 

_> >Oh, isn’t this refreshing? The timid radio host finally learns how to throw a punch. Thanks for that, by the way. You hit like a girl. Ah...I think you may have drawn some blood. Ooohhh._

 

Cut the crap and answer the question. Don’t think I won’t play dirty. How do I save Carlos?

 

_> >Carlos? Who’s that, your boyfriend? Ha!_

 

As a matter of fact, he is, and I will be very unhappy if he isn’t still around by the end of the week, so spill.

 

_> >Hmmm. Let me think for a moment. How about...no._

 

I was wondering if you'd say that. One moment.

 

…

 

_creak_

 

_crunch_

 

_creak_

 

_..._

 

I know you StrexCorp goons can be knocked out, so what's to say you can't be killed?

 

_> >Oooh! A broken piece of glass. I'm shaking._

 

Mirror, actually. We know that the rain creates a sort of infection, and two and a half days later the...creature, whatever it is, emerges, killing the host. How do we stop it?

 

_> >You're really not getting the 'I won't tell you' part, are you?_

 

_> >Hey! Ow!_

 

Well, at least you bleed. That's something.

 

>> _Wow, I didn't think you'd actually have the guts to do it. Ooh, it's just a nick, anyway. Do it again, please--it_ tickles.

 

_slice_

 

_> >How long is it going to take you to figure it out? I'm part of StrexCorp. I can't be killed, no matter how many times you poke me with that shard._

 

Tell me what you know.

 

>> _You'll have to kill me first. Oh, wait. You can't._

 

_crunch_

_shlurp_

 

>> _Moving up to stabbing now! I can tell you mean business. I hope this convinces you? Stab through the heart? No? Well, by all means, carry on!_

 

So you can't be killed by conventional means. But what about the unconventional ones?

 

_..._

 

_> >Hey hey, what'cha doing? Oh. _

 

I've spent a lot of time in bathrooms over the years, but you know what? I never quite figured out what these little beasties are called. But they're planted in almost every men's bathroom I've ever been in. I know they're poisonous...but that's about all I know.

 

_> >I'll give you points for originality._

 

_tug tug snip_

 

I also know that the poison is contained almost entirely in the leaves, so...say 'ahhhh!'

 

>> _Blah blah_

 

_cough cough splutter_

 

_cough...cough_

 

_..._

 

_> >Oh, that is bracing! A bit bitter, perhaps. This takes me back..._

 

...

 

>> _Oh, forgive me. Was it time for your monologue? Apologies. Please do continue...oh, but you don't have anything else to try, do you? Underestimated mighty StrexCorp, eh? Not the first. Well, your boyfriend...he's going to die very soon._

 

I don't think so.

 

_> >Oh, but he is! Him, and you, and everyone else in this stinking, awful town! _

 

This stinking, awful town is going to stop you.

 

_> >What, like the last town? And the town before that? Don't you think they tried? No survivors. It's a very good policy. Stops word from getting out. I know how this gig goes. You try to kill me, I don't die. I wait, and two days later, you're dead. I leave. End curtain._

 

Oh, but I won't die in two days. I haven't been... _infected._

 

_sniff sniff_

 

_> >Oh. So you haven't. Well, in that case, in two days my brothers come looking for me and you die anyway._

 

Or they don't. Or they do, and they can't find you. Then it's just you and little old me, and I assure you that, with enough time, I _will_ find out how to kill you.

 

_> >But too late for boyfriend, right? You can keep me tied up all you like, but I'll rest easy in the knowledge that your little heart is breaking, and someone, somewhere, is gnawing on his rotting, shattered bones--_

 

_smash_

_crunch!_

 

_> >And back to the punching! I think this one was a little better; you're improving._

 

I'll be back in a little bit, and then we'll see who's impervious to everything.

 

_> >Yep, retreat. Regroup. Rethink the plan! Smart choice!_

 

_slam_

 

...

 

...

 

Breathe, Cecil. Breathe. Calm--dammit!

 

...

 

...

 

_creak_

 

**Cecil! What happened? Are you okay?**

 

He wouldn't talk.

 

**Cecil, you don't sound okay.**

 

_thump_

 

Well, I am. Okay?

 

**No! Not okay. What was that? You look like you just killed a man...wait, you didn't...?**

 

No. But not from lack of trying.

 

**Cecil!**

 

He's immune to regular physical attacks, and at least one type of poison. What else can we try?

 

**_Cecil!_ **

 

If we can kill him, we can figure out how to stop StrexCorp. And then catch another one and threaten him for information about the rain. They know something, I know they do. We just need to--

 

**Cecil!**

 

What!?

 

**What's happened to you? This...this isn't you!**

 

Yeah? Well then who am I?

 

**You're Cecil Palmer, the Voice of Night Vale! You're a radio host, for crying out loud! You're kind, and nice, and sweet; you're my boyfriend. You're not a killer.**

 

**Take down StrexCorp by all means, but don't let them change who you are, Cecil. You're a good person. Don't let them take that from you.**

 

Less than two days, Carlos. I can't afford to be myself. Someone has to go on the offensive. Someone has to--

 

**Then let someone else. Or go about it a different way. The only thing worse than seeing you dead is seeing you a killer. Cecil, my life isn't worth your soul.**

 

...Carlos--

 

_crash!_

 

**What was that?**

 

StrexCorp goons! They're breaking into the men's bathroom!

 

_> >Even earlier than expected, brothers!_

 

_}}You allowed yourself to be captured by a couple of humans? Pathetic._

 

_> >You're telling me! Look, one tried to stick me!_

 

_}}Hilarious, I'm sure. Are we going?_

 

_> >I want to say good-bye to my generous hosts, if you don't mind._

 

Crap, they're coming! There's at least three of them! Get down, Carlos!

 

**I'm tied to a chair, Cecil! I'm not _getting_ anywhere! Oomph, Cecil! Hey hey no--untie me!**

 

Get out of my station!

 

_crash_

 

_clatter_

 

_smash_

 

**Cecil, Cecil, woah! Hey that was my water bottle! Watch what you're throwing!**

 

_splat!_

 

**And there goes those CD cases...**

 

_shatter_

 

**And the spare mike...**

 

_thump_

 

**Is that a painting?**

 

_smack!_

 

_}}Arggh!_

 

_> >retreat, perhaps?_

 

_thump_

_smack_

_crash_

 

_thump_

_thump_

 

Yeah, and stay out!

 

**Cecil...**

 

Yeah?

 

**That was amazing.**

 

I thought you said--

 

**Killing in cold blood, no. Chucking the contents of your office at murderous intruders, yes. Now, could you please tip me right side up again? All the blood's rushing to my head.**

 

_scrape thump_

 

**Thank you.**

 

You're okay?

 

**Yeah. Bit thirsty now, though.**

 

I'll get you another one.

 

**So...busy day, eh?**

 

Yeah. Well, there went our only gambling chip, I suppose.

 

**I'm glad he's gone.**

 

He never would have talked anyway, I suppose.

 

**Precisely.**

 

...I should get back to research, then. Maybe there's something I missed...or maybe the rain and StrexCorp aren't related. Maybe someone just knows something about the rain. Its life cycle has to be similar to something else in nature, right?

 

**There you go, Cecil. Now you're thinking objectively. I'll make a scientist of you yet.**

 

As long as you stick around to teach me, I'll be a scientist of anything you'd like.

 

**I'm doing my best. I didn't go postal today--that's something.**

 

Yeah. 

 

**I still think I can help with research.**

 

How?

 

**You can print off pages and I'll read through them. There's no reason you should be the one doing all the work. I'm not _that_ incapacitated.**

 

...Alright then. Would you rather read...the mechanics of clouds or...let's see...the incubation timeline of chicks?

 

**I'll take the clouds.**

 

Well then, I hope you like graduate theses!

 

...

 

...

 

You know, there's a lot of things I miss about doing the show.

 

**It's all StrexCorp propaganda anyway, you wouldn't want to be reading that crap.**

 

It wasn't always like that, remember? Back when glow clouds--

 

ALL HAIL THE GLOW CLOUD

**ALL HAIL THE GLOW CLOUD**

 

\--and dog parks were our biggest problems. And you know the one thing I miss in particular?

 

**What?**

 

The Weather.

 

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUSCMGNMIVY>

 

**Yeah, I always liked the Weather.**

 

Me too.

 

**This thesis isn't going to read itself, you know.**

 

Oh yeah. Sorry. This is going to take a while. Good researching, Carlos.

 

**Good researching.**

 

_click click scroll_

 

_..._

 

….%%....%%....%%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

….%%....%%....%%

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's Weather was "Anybody" by Bad Things. As an interesting side-note, one of the members of Bad Things is Shaun White (better known as the Flying Tomato, the U.S.'s gold-medal-winning Olympic snowboarder). "Caught Inside" is another good song by them.


	7. In which Carlos and Cecil are running out of options and Cecil does something desperate

You know that feeling that you're talking and talking and nobody's listening? That nobody out there even cares? Or doesn't even realize how much trouble you're really in? Well, I've been feeling that a lot lately, listeners. I don't know why I say that. Why I put in 'listeners.' Maybe I'm just trying to comfort myself by thinking that there is indeed someone hearing this, someone who could perhaps sympathize...but I think it is just Carlos and me now, just the two of us trapped on this island and the tide is coming in. One and a half days, listeners. Dear dear listeners, even if you exist in a more acute form than the physical, welcome. Welcome to Night Vale.

 

….%%....%%....%%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

….%%....%%....%%

 

**Mmmmm? Cecil?**

 

Yeah?

 

**Did I- did I fall asleep?**

 

Yeah, a little after four in the morning, I think. That nasty page on molecular black magic did you in, I think.

 

**You should have woken me. Did you stay up all night?**

 

Yep. The lukewarm bottled coffee in the vending machine out in the hallway isn't great, but it keeps you moving.

 

**Did you find anything new?**

 

No, just more of the same stuff you did. No one's ever heard of something that incubates inside a human and then rips them apart on the way out.

 

**And the StrexCorp trail is still cold?**

 

Icy.

 

**Well, there has to be something.**

 

Back to work, then.

 

...

 

...

 

Oh Carlos...I don't think we're going to figure this out.

 

**What, he stays up all night and gives up now?**

 

No, I mean -- look.

 

**Yeah, it's Google. So what?**

 

Look in the corner.

 

**Cecil, I can't see that far, that's like five feet!**

 

The search on 'strex rain cloud incubation' I've been working on all night returned just under ten thousand results, most of which were duplicates or useless.

 

**Yeah, so?**

 

I just looked at the last one.

 

**What do you--oh.**

 

There are no more results.

 

...

 

**Oh Cecil...**

 

There's just...there's nowhere left to look, Carlos. Nowhere...We're done.

 

...

 

**I'm sorry, Cecil.**

 

You're sorry? _I'm_ sorry.

 

**It's not your fault nobody knew anything. I'm just sorry it's going to end this way.**

 

I thought...I really thought we could solve this. That I'd find something...something everyone else had missed, a miraculous cure, a solution...I guess banking on a miracle wasn't the smartest choice.

 

**We still have over a day...maybe something will come up.**

 

Nothing ever just 'comes up.'

 

**Listen, Cecil. Some things can't be stopped. Maybe this is one of them. Maybe I was lost the moment they tied me to that obelisk in the City Center. Maybe this has all been some sort of hilarious cosmic joke, giving us hope even when nothing can be done.**

 

Carlos--

 

 **_But_ ** **if there is a solution, Cecil, I have complete faith that you'll be able to find it. Complete. So don't give up now. Over a day. That's thirty or forty hours. That's a lot of time. So there's nothing on the internet, okay. Next plan of action?**

 

Nothing at the Public Library would have anything like this, and even the illegal books some citizens have wouldn't have anything like this.

 

**Alright, so that rules out books. What else?**

 

...We could try using blood magic. Sometimes that turns up better results than black magic or the Internet.

 

**Does that sound as bad as I think it is?**

 

Probably. You just bleed onto one of the blood stone circles, chant and sway back and forth, and keep intoning and bleeding until you reach enlightenment.

 

**Enlightenment?**

 

Yeah. You'll start to get dizzy, sometimes you'll see stars, occasionally you'll faint. But then you'll have _dreams_. Dreams unlike anything you've ever had before, so vivid and vaguely feverish, but sometimes you'll be given the answer to your question.

 

**Alright, I think we can cross that off the list.**

 

What, really? It didn't sound too bad to me.

 

**You're not bleeding all over some rock for me, Cecil--**

 

\--it's a blood stone, there's a difference--

 

**\--and I really doubt you're really going to dream up the life cycle of a cloud. And how long does this take?**

 

Usually three to four hours of chanting, then about an hour before Enlightenment...oh, and then several days before you've recovered.

 

**Yeah, I think that time frame’s a little long, don't you? Time better spent, I should think.**

 

...I suppose. It's recommended it be a full moon, too, I guess. It's pretty crescent-y right now.

 

**Well, there you go. What else can we check with?**

 

...I don't know. The City Council records might mention if anything like this had happened before, but I don’t think it would have…

 

**Where else, then?**

 

I don’t know...how about you think about it and I’ll go get another coffee. You want anything?

 

**A lemonade, if they have one.**

 

Okay.

 

_scrape_

 

_creak_

 

…

 

Okay listeners, you listening?

 

_tap_

_crackle_

_crackle_

 

I don’t actually want another coffee. They’re pretty nasty after the fourth or so one. I just wanted to get out of Carlos’ earshot for a little while.

 

Listeners, I am talking directly to you. Yes, you. If you are listening to this, if you are hearing these words I am speaking, I need your help. I don’t care if you’ve been infected yourself, if you’re unsure of your information, if you’re not even human--hell, Steve Carlsberg, if you’re listening to this, I’d even take your help.

 

No, not take. Beg. This is me, your friendly local radio host Cecil Gershwin Palmer, _begging_ for your help. If you know anything, anything at all, about the nature of StrexCorp, or the cloud, or how to save Carlos-- _especially_ if you know how to save Carlos--please please _please_ call in. Or stop at the studio.

 

I will do _anything_ to save Carlos. Hear that? _Anything._ I’ll be your personal slave for a year (in addition obviously to the wraithlike gray shape that already follows you everywhere you go). I’ll quit my job at the radio station. I’ll travel anywhere, do anything. I’ll take the blame for crimes you commit, I’ll face down City Council, I’d even go into the dog park or wander through the sand wastes for a month. But please _please_ help me save Carlos.

 

I cannot begin to stress to you how much he means to me, listeners. _Please._ I don’t know what else to say. I have nothing else to offer besides myself, but if you save Carlos, you can have me. Take my house, my money, the stash of illegal wheat byproducts hidden in an undisclosed location somewhere in the city that belongs to me-- you can have it all. Just please save Carlos.

 

...

 

And you know what else? If anyone from StrexCorp is listening, feel yourself included in this message. I’ve changed my mind. I know your pattern-- going from town to town and killing everyone-- but if you save Carlos, if you let Carlos go, I won’t tell a soul. I swear. I’ll never breathe a word of this to anybody....Or, if you prefer...if you let Carlos walk away from this... _you_ can have me too, and do what you will with me. Take me away, kill me, whatever. But let Carlos go. Please.

 

A whole town listening to the radio, but...silence on the air. So whoever you are, Night Vale citizen, StrexCorp employee, or other...if you can save Carlos, you can have me. It’s the best offer I can make. Please. Call in or drop by. Listeners...if you have ever enjoyed my radio show, if you have ever thought to yourself ‘hey, this guy’s pretty cool’ or even not thought of me at all as anything other than a disembodied voice on the other end of a radio wave...please, please help. I am begging for your help from the sincerest bone in my body, whichever one that may be...I only hope it is enough.

 

Please. 

 

…

 

_clank_

_schoof_

_scrape_

 

…

 

_scrape_

 

Here.

 

**That took a long time.**

 

Vending machine ate my first quarter.

 

**Cecil, you can't just say 'here' and hand me a lemonade. I've got no hands, remember?**

 

Are you sure you don't want me to untie you? Not that it wasn't adorable and all, but feeding you vending machine chips one by one last night got a little old around the third bag.

 

**Very sure. We don't know how quickly it comes on.**

 

_tap_

_fizzle_

 

_..._

 

_..._

 

**Thanks. Now, what's our next step? Where else can we look for answers?**

 

I don't know...maybe something will just turn up.

 

**Seriously? Now which one of us is the defeatist?**

 

We can always hope. We _have_ been broadcasting an open message for help for days.

 

_\--aiiiiiiiiiiihhhh!_

 

**What was _that_?**

 

Screaming? Sounded like it was coming from outside.

 

_click_

_screech_

 

**Do you even clean that window? What do you see?**

 

Without sticking my head out too far...something's happening at the end of the street.

 

**StrexCorp?**

 

I can't tell...maybe...oh! At least one StrexCorp employee. They...they're off around the corner. I don't know.

 

**Who screamed, then?**

 

I don't know...it sounded like a woman.

 

...

 

_squeak_

 

**...I bet StrexCorp is prowling the streets...Keeping everyone isolated. Preventing us from banding together.**

 

Hmm. That would make sense. Keeping us on lockdown until the two and a half days are up...by the way, how are you feeling?

 

**Okay. Stomachache as usual, but it's not bad.**

 

Perfectly painless until it kills you. That's something ironic.

 

**Yeah, well, I was about to suggest we go to my laboratory to run some tests, but I guess that's out now. We'd get killed by StrexCorp before we got anywhere close.**

 

Tests?

 

**Yeah, on me. Take some blood, test for vitamin deficiency, you know. To see what it's doing chemically to incubate. Maybe it's sucking all the iron out of my blood or something. Who knows? I'm not a chemist, but you could have taken it to one after...you know.**

 

You're not going to die, Carlos.

 

**I wish I had your confidence.**

 

Listen, I...I set something up.

 

**Set something--? Cecil, _what did you do?_**

 

Nothing yet, just...made an offer.

 

**An offer? To whom? We're trapped in a radio-- ah.**

 

Yeah. 

 

**I hope you didn't do anything rash.**

 

No, just...offered some incentive for anyone with information to show up or call in. I guess no one's going to be showing up, but I would've thought someone would have called in by now.

 

**Incentive? What--money?**

 

That's part of it.

 

**Come on, Cecil--**

 

_crack!_

 

_creak_

 

_..._

 

_thump thump thump_

 

_..._

 

**Someone's coming up the stairs.**

 

Great! I'll go see who it is. Someone must have slipped past those StrexCorp goons outside...

 

**Cecil! _Cecil!_**

 

What, what?

 

_...creak...._

 

**Don't go out there! It could be anyone.**

 

Yeah, so?

 

**...it could be dangerous.**

 

Like it's any less dangerous waiting in here for them to come in?

 

**Well...don't go too far. I want to be able to hear what's going on.**

 

...alright, I guess. But don't say anything; if it is someone unpleasant, we don't want them to know where you are.

 

Be right back.

 

**Cecil!**

 

Yeah, what?

 

**...I love you.**

 

I'll be okay.

 

**...**

 

I'll _be_ okay.

 

_creak_

 

...

 

Hello?

 

_> >Greetings._

 

What do you want?

 

>> _I came as an answer to your call._

 

I was wondering if it'd be one of you lot who showed up.

 

>> _At StrexCorp, we are not all the same. Some enjoy this...process...more than others._

 

And I suppose you're...what...a good StrexCorp goon?

 

_> >I do not appreciate that term, but yes. StrexCorp is getting too loud, and just a little too irritating. The management has taken over. It never used to be like this._

 

So you're helping me because...you don't like your bosses?

 

_> >They think in circles. It is very frustrating. I heard your message on the radio. For this past year, I have enjoyed your show and I also believe I may have the answer to your question. You are right; it is an incubation period. I've studied it for years, as all StrexCorp employees have, and I think I may have determined a way to arrest the process._

 

Really? That's great! What do I have to do?

 

>> _Come with me. I live on the edge of town. There is a serum I have developed, but I have only a very little and was afraid to take it from its hiding place._

 

And this will save Carlos?

 

>> _...I am not sure. It has never been tested. But certain agents in the serum should react to the chemicals in the incubation process...it may save him, but I cannot be positive._

 

Chemicals, yes! Science! Still...I am afraid I am a little skeptical...can you prove anything you've just said is true?

 

>> _I am afraid not. This is by no means a sure solution. It may only delay the process. It may do more harm than good._

 

Hmm. I'll go get Carlos.

 

_> >Wait! He does not go with us._

 

Why not? You said the serum was at your house. The sooner he gets it the better, right?

 

_> >It is too dangerous. The streets are thick with those loyal to StrexCorp's new management. I may be able to hide one, but not two. Besides, if he is indeed sick, then there're times when he is not himself, yes? We wouldn't want him to get almost there only to run off, would we? We may never find him. Or maybe StrexCorp would catch him._

 

Well, let me at least tell him what's going on. I'll meet you downstairs in five, okay?

 

_> >Okay...Ceccccciillll._

 

_..._

 

_creak_

 

**'I'll meet you downstairs in five?!' Cecil, you know it's a trap.**

 

Probably, yeah.

 

**And why, for the love of science, did you invite rogue StrexCorp agents to the studio? As if we weren't enough of a target as it was? And what could you possibly give him in return? Your soul?**

 

If he asked for it.

 

**Cecil, this is absurd. You are _not_ going with him.**

 

Yes, I am.

 

**No no no no no, Cecil. Trap, remember? You'll go off with him and he'll slit your throat and dump you in an alley somewhere and I'll never see you again.**

 

And if I don't go, you won't be seeing me much longer, anyway.

 

**Yes, but at least I'll know you're safe. Don't die for me, Cecil. I'm not worth it.**

 

...Yes, you are, Carlos. You are worth it every inch.

 

**I'm really not. Look at me. I'm a two-bit scientist who can't even remember how I got to Night Vale. What kind of scientist forgets his own past? His own last name? These days, I can't even remember what it was like before. Did I have friends, family? I've forgotten them, Cecil. I've forgotten them all. If you die, and through some miracle I survive this, I have nothing left to go back to. There's only one person in the whole world who I care about right now, Cecil, and I'm looking at him.**

 

**I'm dead, Cecil. I am beyond saving--but you're not. The world has already forgotten me, but it remembers you. You'll go on without me, like you always have.**

 

No, I couldn't. Not without you.

 

**Sure you could. You were here long before me, Cecil, you were fine without me...and you'll be fine after me. I know you will.**

 

I was nothing before you, Carlos. Nothing. I was empty, alone. I was a voice on the radio, but no one was listening. The story of my life began with you, and I wouldn't want it to end with anyone else.

 

**...don't do this, Cecil. He's probably been sent by StrexCorp to lure you out so they can kill you. No witnesses, right? No survivors. Save yourself, Cecil.**

 

Save yourself? Don't you know me at all, Carlos? It was never about me. And if there's even the slightest chance that he _is_ telling the truth, and this serum can cure you, then I'm going to go.

 

**Cecil--**

 

You can't change my mind, Carlos. I'm going.

 

**Please--**

 

I'm going. But I'll be careful, okay? We don't know of anything that can hurt them, but maybe getting smacked on the head with a solid metal radio microphone stand will slow them down. Look, I'll even hide it under my coat. Satisfied?

 

**No.**

 

I'll try to be back as soon as possible. And if he's telling the truth...maybe you can be saved after all.

 

**And if he's lying?**

 

Then...I'm sorry and I love you.

 

_creak_

 

**At least...don't trust him. Don't let him get too close to you, don't let him get behind you, and at the first sign of trouble, whack him. And then come back as fast as you can without drawing anyone's attention.**

 

Okay. Good scientific advice...I'll see you soon.

 

**You'd better. And if you do get that cure, we'll be having a long conversation about this.**

 

I look forward to it...Goodbye, Carlos.

 

**...Goodbye, Cecil. Just come back in one piece, okay?**

 

You know I will.

 

_creak_

 

_..._

 

_thump thump thump_

 

_> >I thought for a moment you had changed your mind. You took enough time._

 

Yeah, well, let's go. No need to waste anymore.

 

>> _The roads are dangerous. Stay right behind me, stay quiet, and don't look at anyone. With any luck, they will think I have captured you._

 

Okay, sounds great.

 

_> >Let us begin._

 

_click_

_creeeeak_

 

_..._

 

Oh, it's still hot.

 

_> >I said be quiet._

 

Sorry, I just like talking about the Weather.

 

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9gVs_-eUU0>

 

...

 

_> >We have arrived._

 

What, this shack? Sorry, can I talk now?

 

_> >If you must._

 

You live on the edge of the sand wastes? Why?

 

_> >I enjoy the view. It is very trapezoidal._

 

I see what you mean, yeah. So...where's the serum?

 

_> >Inside._

 

...

 

After you.

 

_...snap scrape creak_

 

What an absolutely, um...friendly home you have! The drafts are really something.

 

...

 

Are there lights? Maybe I should wait outside.

 

...

 

Hello?

 

_> >Cooooome._

 

_rustle_

 

I hope you're not planning any funny business...I'm armed...

 

It is very dark, isn't--

 

_squeak_

 

Ah!

 

_thwhack!_

 

_}}Argh!_

 

_crash!_

_splash!_

 

Ahh!

 

>> _Don't let him get away!_

 

_}}Come back here, you little--_

 

_clatter_

_smack_

_clang_

 

_> >Get back--go after him!_

 

_}}You said the water would work!_

 

>> _Only if you got it on him, you idiot, which I doubt you did! What did you do--drop the bucket?_

 

_}}He hit me! Some sort of sledgehammer..._

 

_> >Oh, I'm sure, you big baby! Now get after him!_

 

_click_

_scrape_

 

_}}I don't see him._

 

_> >He can't have got far. You check those buildings there, then, and I'll go that way. Happy? And when word gets out we messed this up, it'll be your head on management's desk._

 

_}}Yeah, yeah._

 

_scrape_

 

_..._

 

_..._

 

_creak_

 

Oh good, I think they're gone. I'm really glad there was no one in this room, though. They must have thought I'd gone outside...where I definitely _will_ be going now...but in the opposite direction they went.

 

_creak_

 

_..._

 

_..._

 

_..._

 

_..._

 

I think--I think I might have lost them. The streets are quiet. So very quiet. And then there's me, talking to myself...but of course I am talking to you, dear listeners. Well. That's assuming this button mike still works. It's looking a bit worn...a bit scuffed up...it is so very small. I forget I'm even on the air sometimes. You'd think that would be a difficult thing to forget, but in the midst of everything that's been happening lately...I find it a very easy thing to forget.

 

I'm heading back to the radio station as Carlos asked me--oh. The StrexCorp employee...he must have been lying about the serum, what with laying that trap and all. They tried to douse me with water--undoubtedly collected from when it rained-- but I heard one move and smacked the bucket out of his clawed hands with the radio mike stand I had hidden under my coat.

 

I ran out the door I had come through, but then it occurred to me that they would undoubtedly pursue me very quickly, and the shelter of the buildings was a little far off, so I jumped through a window in the shack and ended up in the room adjacent to the one in which they had laid their trap. Not my best plan, but effective nonetheless.

 

...Twilight is descending, Night Vale. Of course you know that, though; just look out your windows or between the wooden slats the government has installed over your windows for your own protection...it is twilight, and Night Vale is quiet.

 

So the StrexCorp employee lied about the serum...and no one else called in to the station or dropped by...which means, I can only assume, that Carlos is right. Maybe this has no cure; maybe he cannot be saved.

 

I was not lying when I told him that I wanted the story of my life to end with him. I am a little disappointed the StrexCorp employees at the shack didn't have slightly better aim with that bucket, actually. I wish I had been infected just like Carlos, or else in his stead. Listeners...if there are any listeners...I just don't think I can see the point in a life without him.

 

I am the Voice of Night Vale, he'll say. Night Vale needs me, but...after tomorrow there will be no Night Vale. Most of the town is probably already infected, and the few untouched ones like me will undoubtedly be killed by StrexCorp before they leave the town. No survivors, remember?

 

And even if Night Vale went on, even if Carlos had died in a perfectly natural way...sudden execution by the government, lost in the Void, touching the fence that surrounds the dog park...even if he had died from the flu and the rest of Night Vale was fine and intact...even then, I don't think I'd be interested in sticking around.

 

When Carlos arrived in Night Vale, on that beautiful, beautiful day two years ago, it was like a light had been turned on. I'd lived here all my life, but on that day everything seemed a little brighter. The news seemed a little more extraordinary, the air a little fresher, the sky a little bluer. All of a sudden everything was beautiful, and bright and new and astonishing, like I was truly seeing the world for the first time, like this was the first time I'd seen in color after a lifetime of black and white. And Carlos...Carlos was the most beautiful of them all, with his beautiful hair and his beautiful coat and his beautiful face...it seemed the miracle of miracles that in that moment, that exact instance in space and time, I existed, and he existed, and we were together. The odds were just so improbable...

 

And that is why I cannot go on without him. You see, I don't want to go back to living in the dark, in black and white, looking at the world but not truly _seeing_ it. Feeling the wind on my face but not wondering at the miracle of that instance, of existence...Carlos opened my eyes, and I am terrified of being blinded in the dark without him.

 

I suppose I am telling you this, listeners, because I want someone to understand. Even if there is only a single person listening, or just vast broad emptiness...I feel I must justify myself to someone.

 

I am heading back to the radio station...but should I even go? I don't know if I could bear watching him die. He believes in me; I know he does; he will be so disappointed when I tell him I could not save him. I don't know if I could watch him die, watch the...thing...emerge and kill him...

 

But then, I know that Carlos would not want to die alone, thinking I had been killed trying to save him...no matter what it does to me, he should not have to die alone...though...I don't think I will tell him what I plan, because he will try to stop me. But after he is gone...I will join him very soon.

 

The only question left is how. I'd prefer something kinder than death by Strex. I know in the old stories people killed themselves with guns, but we're all impervious to bullets...there are so many ways to die in Night Vale, so many friends I've said good-bye to...which one should I choose?

 

...

 

...

 

I think I have an idea, listeners. It's a good way to die, I think...little room for error...I think you'd approve. Before I tell you about it, though, I've got to sneak past these StrexCorp goons...

 

...

 

...

 

There are still lots of StrexCorp employees roaming the streets, listeners...I've been evading them so far, but there's more and more of them as I approach the studio...I shall maintain radio silence until I arrive.

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

_]]Hey! You!_

 

Crap.

 

_scuffle_

 

_Thwack!_

 

_]]Aargh!_

 

_> '>Human! _

 

_smack_

 

_thump thump_

 

_crash_

 

_zap zap!_

 

_screel_

 

_..._

 

_click click_

 

Come on, come on! Open!

 

_click slide rattle_

 

_creak_

 

_slam!_

 

_zap zap!_

 

_scuttle_

 

_slide click_

 

...

 

Listeners, I have made it to the safety of the radio station lobby. The StrexCorp goons outside were armed with some sort of modified tasers...luckily, I managed to put the first one off by throwing the radio microphone stand at him. I am grateful I brought it-- it came in good use.

 

Now I must break the bad news to Carlos. Even though I didn't sleep at all last night, I expect we'll probably stay up all night tonight talking...I wouldn't want to waste my last hours with Carlos sleeping. So, listeners, I think I'll leave you here.

 

For what is probably the last time, dear listeners-- good night, Night Vale. Goodnight.

 

….%%....%%....%%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

….%%....%%....%%

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's Weather was "Kiss from a Rose" by Seal.
> 
> Only one chapter left to go! *smiles evilly*


	8. In which time finally catches up to Carlos and Cecil

It is morning. It has been three days since it rained. Today Carlos is going to die. This is the last sunrise either of us will ever see...but it's overcast. The cloud has returned, undoubtedly to retrieve that which is its own. This is the end of the line, listeners. If there are any listeners, I would like to thank you for sticking with me this long. I'd be surprised if anyone is still bothering to listen after all this unprofessional broadcasting. Maybe it _is_ true that at the end of all things we resort to chaos. Listeners, thank you. You have allowed me to have this job which I so enjoyed, and always made me feel part of the community. Thank you, and my condolences on all of our impending deaths. It's been an honor to live with you all here in our beautiful town. Goodbye, Night Vale.

 

….%%....%%....%%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

….%%....%%....%%

 

How are you feeling?

 

**Not great. Could be worse, though...It's not too bad, considering.**

 

Still just the stomachache?

 

**Yeah. Some of that could be nerves, though. Who would've thought dying could be so stressful, eh?**

 

I know what you mean.

 

**Oh Cecil, I'm so sorry. This isn't fair.**

 

What could you possibly have to be sorry for? This wasn't your fault.

 

**But maybe it could have been prevented. If I hadn't been so keen on figuring out what the cloud was, investigating Big Rico's, getting you brainwashed when you tried to help me...**

 

But you're a scientist; it's your job to be curious.

 

**Then I wish I wasn't. I wish I'd never heard the word science, never bothered to look into anything strange or dangerous...**

 

...Then you never would have come to Night Vale. We never would have met.

 

**That's true, I suppose. I guess I remain a scientist to the end, then, don't I?**

 

Yes. Carlos, my scientist. My beautiful, beautiful scientist boyfriend.

 

**...Cecil...I don't know what's going to happen. When...you know. If it's going to be short, or long, or exactly when it's going to happen, or if the thing will attack you--**

 

...You don't want me here?

 

**No, no! Just...when the time comes...I don't want you to get hurt.**

 

I won't.

 

**If our roles were reversed, I don't know if I could...if I could...you know, watch. I understand if you don't want to--**

 

And leave you alone with that thing as it tears you apart? I don't think so.

 

**...So you'll stay with me?**

 

As long as it takes.

 

**Oh, thank you, Cecil. I was worried you--**

 

**...**

 

Carlos?

 

...

 

Car--

 

**Untie me.**

 

Carlos? Are you okay?

 

_scrape_

 

**Let me go.**

 

Carlos...this is me, Cecil.

 

**Let me go. I must go.**

 

I don't think so. I'm Cecil, your boyfriend, Cecil, remember? Come on, Carlos! Fight it!

 

**Release me, human. I must go.**

 

Carlos, we are in Night Vale. You are a scientist. You came here because you were curious. Curious! What a strange reason to go anywhere, but not for you. You're a gorgeous scientist with perfect hair and a perfect coat, and you have a laboratory right next to Big Rico's Pizza. You’re allergic to cats. You talk in your sleep sometimes. It’s super adorable but I haven’t said anything.

 

**Let me go. Everything will be all right.**

 

You're Carlos, and I'm Cecil. I'm the Voice of Night Vale, remember that? I tell you the news and the traffic and play the weather. I'm your boyfriend and I love you, and please please come back to me. Don't die a stranger.

 

_creak creak creak shake shake_

 

**LET ME GO!**

 

At least you had me tie those ropes tight. Come on, Carlos! Let's see...when the tiny city underneath lane 5 at the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun complex declared war, you bravely went to investigate, but they attacked you. The Apache tracker had to drag you out. I thought-- I thought I'd lost you. But then after that you called, you called me, Carlos, and we sat on the trunk of your car and watched the stars and the lights above the Arby’s. Don't you remember that?

 

**These words mean nothing. Let me go!**

 

Oh Carlos, I can't. Because it's not really you. And don't pull so hard on those ropes, you'll hurt yourself.

 

**I am not Carlos. Release me, human!**

 

Oh, but you are. Well, maybe not now, but I know he's in there somewhere. Kind Carlos, curious brave handsome scientist Carlos...and I can't save him. What's the point of living if you have to be alone?

 

**I have no interest in debating philosophy.**

 

Carlos, I need you. If you don't come back to me soon...there won't be a me to come back to. I know you think I'll stick around, be just fine and go stop StrexCorp...but you think too much of me. I am not a hero, Carlos. I am not a fighter or a poet or a scientist. I cannot do what others cannot. I am a radio host...and I know I can't go on without my scientist. So StrexCorp wins. What do I care?

 

**STREX. Let me go. StrexCorp is coming and they will kill you if you do not release me at once.**

 

So, Carlos, if you die...if you leave me here in this sad radio station, in a town already dead, I swear I'll march into the men's bathroom and take a picture of Khoshekh on my phone. Everyone who's done that has died. So, I figure...of all the ways to die, being killed by the thing I love second most in this world is the best I can do. Plus he's super fluffy and adorable, and we've looked after him well here at the radio station, so I think he'll be quick about it.

 

**Let me go.**

 

_shake rattle creak creak_

 

Carlos, please. I--I don't know what else to say. I love you.

 

**I must go. Let me go.**

 

**I must--**

 

**...**

 

**I must--**

 

**...**

 

 

 **_sigh_ ** **...**

 

**...**

 

**...**

 

_scrape_

 

Carlos? Carlos, are you okay? Come on, talk to me! Come on, come on, wake up. Carlos?

 

Well, he's still breathing. Okay. Breathe, Cecil. You breathe too. He'll come round, don't worry. Don't worry.

 

Carlos?

 

**...**

 

**...erm**

 

Carlos? Carlos, are you okay?

 

**Oh, ow, my stomach...**

 

Carlos? Carlos?

 

**Hey, yeah, Cecil. Hi. Personal space for a second.**

 

Sorry.

 

**Just need to-- ow!**

 

What? What?

 

**Oh, these ropes. My wrists--ow! Wait--what happened? Wait. Did I...?**

 

...yeah.

 

**Oh. Didn't feel it coming on. What happened? I didn't-- are you okay?**

 

Yeah.

 

**What did-- well, what did I do?**

 

Just sort of sat there. Really wanted me to untie you.

 

**But you didn't.**

 

No. You did sort of...thrash around a lot, though. Tried to slip the ropes.

 

**Which is why...**

 

Yeah. Let me...oh! Ouch. It's...you really tried to get free.

 

**What? How bad is it?**

 

Just...you're bleeding, for starters. Rubbed your wrists raw on the outsides...you want a bandage or something?

 

**It doesn't matter. Just an hour or two more anyway, I think.**

 

Carlos, I’m sorry.

 

**You’re sorry? I’m the one who just lost his mind.**

 

I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.

 

**Back to this again. It’s okay, Cecil. It really is.**

 

But...I failed. You needed me, needed me to find a cure, a solution, something to save you. And I couldn’t. I tried, I really did...but I failed.

 

**I know you tried, Cecil. I was right there with you. And besides...to a scientist there’s no such thing as failure. Just more data for the table. Maybe that’ll be enough.**

 

Enough for what?

 

**To save the next town. Maybe there is no cure-- but maybe there’s a vaccine. Something to prevent you from getting it. You can’t help me, Cecil...but maybe you can help them. Help them, Cecil. For me.**

 

I don’t...I don’t know how to do that. Vaccines? You forget-- you’re the scientist here. I don’t know how to do any of that.

 

**Then find someone who does. Don’t...you don’t have to be alone, Cecil.**

 

...but--

 

**Listen to me, Cecil. When I’m gone...when I’m gone, don't be alone. Find someone else. Someone who'll treat you well. You're too young to be alone forever. You don't deserve to be.**

 

Carlos...

 

**Please, Cecil. I couldn't bear the thought of you being alone. Please...I don't think we have a lot of time left.**

 

_sniff_

 

Okay. Sure. Anything.

 

**Good...ohhh.**

 

Carlos?

 

**I'm okay...just...stomachache got really bad for a moment there.**

 

You want anything?

 

**No...just...stay...**

 

**...**

 

Carlos? Unconscious again.

 

Oh, Carlos...I'm so sorry it ended like this. For both of us.

 

_scrape_

 

I'll be right back. Just want to...check on something quick, make sure everything's in order...

 

_creak slap_

 

_..._

 

How you doing, Khoshe--what's this? Who's there?

 

...

 

You, with the feet sticking out of the far stall.

 

...

 

What are _you_ doing in here?

 

Station management?

 

_rustle rustle_

 

Dead station manager? Dead StrexCorp employee...how did that happen?

 

_rustle thump_

 

Oh. Oh, that's nasty. Oh...I remember you. You're one of the StrexCorp goons that came in to rescue the one we'd caught and tied up in here, in the men's bathroom...so how did you die? And how did you end up in here?

 

**Cecil?**

 

Carlos! Coming! I think...I think I should go tell Carlos about this. If there _is_ a way to kill StrexCorp employees, then maybe all this isn't so hopeless after all...

 

_..._

 

_creak_

_slap_

 

_..._

 

_scrape_

 

**Cecil, thank goodness. I woke up and...I thought...**

 

I was just in the bathroom. You passed out for a little while. I...there's a dead StrexCorp employee in there.

 

**What?**

 

One of the employees that came to rescue the one we had tied up.

 

**And he's dead?**

 

As far as I can tell. He was lying in one of the stalls, but his feet stuck out. His face...he had these great green sort of boils. Like he'd been sprayed with acid.

 

**And we think that's how he died? Some sort of acid?**

 

Well, whatever gave him the boils.

 

**But how'd we not find him before? And how'd he end up in the bathroom?**

 

Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe...hmm...

 

**Wait--remember that StrexCorp employee that came in here yesterday-- the one claiming to have that miracle serum?**

 

Yeah?

 

**You went out to talk to him, then came in to talk to me.**

 

So?

 

**You left him in the hall, right? We must have talked for ten minutes.**

 

You think he moved the body?

 

**Plenty of time to find the body and hide it in the only place nearby-- the bathroom.**

 

So...you think the Strex employee didn't want us to know we'd killed one of them, then? Hide the body so we'd think they were invincible?

 

**Most probably, yes. But-- orhh!**

 

Carlos?

 

**I'm...I'm fine. What matters-- how did we kill it?**

 

I don't know.

 

**Come on, Cecil, think. Walk me through it. You said he came to rescue the goon we had tied up?**

 

I think so. I recognized his...um, hair. I think it was hair.

 

**Okay, so he came in to save his buddy.**

 

Yes.

 

**Did he look...damaged...before then? Like he'd already been hurt?**

 

I don't think so.

 

**Okay. He comes in...what happened _exactly?_**

 

Well, I was talking to you so I missed how they got in...he and another one went into the men's bathroom to rescue the one we'd tied up.

 

**Then what?**

 

Carlos, are you okay? You look--

 

**I'm fine. Keep going.**

 

Um, they all came out and came at us. I...I knocked your chair over to keep you out of their line of sight.

 

**I remember that.**

 

I...I threw things at them. Everything I could get my hands on. And then they ran off.

 

**Okay, things you threw at them. What kinds of things?**

 

All sorts...um...the painting from Organic Art Day that was still in here, some of those jeweled CD cases, a microphone stand...

 

**...my water bottle...**

 

...your water-- Carlos!

 

**Yeah? Oh!**

 

You don't think--

 

**They're vulnerable to _water?_**

 

Come to think of it, I've never actually _seen_ any of station management drink anything...that vending machine usually has extra waters...oh! And every town they went to-- all those towns they destroyed-- _they were all in the desert._

 

**And it would add a nice irony, wouldn't it? That they're working with killer clouds with rain that isn't rain and their weakness is _water_?**

 

Well, no one would suspect it.

 

**Certainly. Maybe it still works after death. Go sprinkle some water on the StrexCorp employee in the bathroom. See what happens. We've got to confirm the hypothesis.**

 

Okay. Be right back.

 

_scrape creak slap_

 

_..._

 

Okay, Mr. Strex. Let's see if you like taking a swim...

 

... _whoosh sprinkle sprinkle_

 

_flop flop plop_

 

_..._

 

_..._

 

_...hissss_

 

...it worked! Oh my--

 

...

 

_creak slap_

 

It worked, Carlos! It worked!

 

**Oh, good!**

 

Maybe-- maybe that's the key to the whole thing!

 

**Maybe...**

 

Well, it could be! Maybe water can save you too--

 

**I've been drinking water all this time, Cecil. Nothing's happened.**

 

But--but--

 

**The clouds are a completely different species from the StrexCorp goons. What's poison for one may not be for the other.**

 

Oh.

 

**But this is great news, Cecil! StrexCorp is half the problem! Maybe without them, the clouds will have trouble finding victims! You can still save everyone else.**

 

But not you.

 

**...no. Call them, Cecil. Get on the radio and do what you do best: spread the news.**

 

I'm already on the radio, Carlos. I never really stop. Hello, Night Vale, you listening? Assuming this mike is still working and we are still permanently broadcasting, we have figured out how to kill the StrexCorp employees. I repeat: we know how to kill the StrexCorp employees. They are vulnerable...to water. Yes, water. No, there is nothing wrong with you ears or whatever you use in lieu of your ears to listen to the radio. I know it sounds bizarre, but trust me. Water is like poison to them. Just spray some on any exposed skin.

 

Citizens of Night Vale, listeners, if you are in a position to do so, grab a bucket. Grab a cup or a garden hose or a pitcher and go outside. Find the StrexCorp employees wherever they are hiding, because you are now stronger than them. Find them, Night Vale...and throw water on them.

 

**..ermm...**

 

Night Va-- Carlos? Carlos, are you okay? Look at me, Carlos.

 

**....urmmm?**

 

Come on-- we figured out how to kill the StrexCorp goons! Halfway there, you said! Halfway! I can't do the other half without you.

 

**Urmm...yes, you can.**

 

No, no, I can't. You hear me? Stay with me, please.

 

**I...I want to. I really do, Cecil. I'm sorry.**

 

**_sniff_ **

 

Don't cry, Carlos. Don't cry, it'll be okay.

 

**_sniff_ **

 

**Wow, I couldn't even find a tear when you were shivering yourself to death with fever...I guess I found them now. Selfish old me.**

 

What? No, it's...Everyone cries when they're about to...die.

 

**_sniff_ **

 

**Still...**

 

Even Jessica was crying. Intern Jessica...crying all by herself, alone in the bathroom...

 

**Well, maybe it's a symptom of dying...ha. Feeling sadness.**

 

**_sniff_ **

 

...

 

**You don't have to do that, Cecil.**

 

Well you can’t, can you? Hands tied...you can’t even wipe away your own tears.

 

...hands tied.

 

Carlos!

 

**What?**

 

Intern Jessica! She was tied up, yes? Tied up in the bathroom.

 

**Yeah, so?**

 

She was crying. I heard her. She was crying when I left, when I left to get you.

 

**You already said that.**

 

Yes, but when we came back, not fifteen minutes later, I checked up on her right away, you remember that?

 

**A little too well, I think.**

 

Yes-- me too. Her face, Carlos. I remember every line of it.

 

**What was left, yes.**

 

Yes, and _there weren’t any tears on her face._

 

**So...what are you saying?**

 

I-- I’m not sure. Just as I left one of the StrexCorp station managers went in to talk to her...or at least I thought so. And remember something else? When we came back, the window was open.

 

**Yeah, yeah it was.**

 

And she couldn’t have opened it, because she was tied up. So the StrexCorp employee opened the window, opened the window in the middle of a sweltering heat.

 

**So…?**

 

Oh, Carlos, we’ve been so stupid!

 

**What, what, tell me!**

 

The relationship between StrexCorp and the cloud-- we thought it was some sort of an agreement, yes? StrexCorp gets the populace all sedated and helpless, and then the cloud gets easy access to them all. But what does StrexCorp really get out of it? What if it’s not a slave-master relationship, or a parent-child one-- what if it’s a business agreement?

 

**A business agreement?**

 

Yes-- both parties get something in exchange for providing services. But the parties are whole species.

 

**So symbiosis?**

 

Sure. The cloud gets the opportunity to reproduce easily, and StrexCorp...gets food.

 

**Food?**

 

Yes! Don’t you see-- think about it. How would a cloud reproduce? What would a child cloud look like?

 

**I don’t know...wisps of smoke?**

 

Precisely. Water. Vapor. Tears. You’re crying, Carlos. So was Jessica. And the StrexCorp employee opened the window.

 

**...to let the vapor out. You know, I haven’t cried since all this started. Plenty of reason to...but I never could.**

 

Maybe it messes with you, prevents you from releasing the vapor too soon.

 

**But if crying releases the...child cloud...how is everyone dying? And why?**

 

That’s just the point. What if the incubation isn’t fatal? What if it never was? What if the thing killing everybody is StrexCorp? Just StrexCorp. The cloud comes, rains, the children incubate. They-- they take over your mind, Carlos. Just a bit ago, when you...when it took over. You wanted to leave, Carlos. You wanted to get up and go somewhere.

 

**So the cloud incubates, takes over your mind, walks you into StrexCorp’s waiting arms, leaves in the form of tears, and...StrexCorp eats you?**

 

...yes! Remember Jessica-- she was _torn apart._ Nothing that had just finished incubating could tear someone apart to that degree from the inside. Think of an egg hatching. A single crack, escape. And there’s no way it could have the strength to do much more. But if you drop an egg-- pieces. Jessica was in pieces. I thought that StrexCorp station manager went in to talk to her, calm her down...but what if he was there to kill her? No survivors. Even in towns where absolutely _everyone_ couldn’t have been infected, no survivors. _Everyone_ was torn apart. No one stabbed or strangled. Everyone torn apart. The same way. StrexCorp did the cleaning up, and they did it all the same.

 

**Cecil, that's...that’s brilliant!**

 

And that means...it means you’re going to live, Carlos! As long as we keep the StrexCorp goons out-- and we know how to kill them, too! Oh Carlos, I think everything’s going to be all right!

 

**And it looks like we finally made a scientist out of you!**

 

Oh, I only hope I’m right. Come on, Carlos. Cry away. Let’s get that baby cloud out in the open!

 

**This is going to be super embarrassing if it doesn’t work, Cecil, you’d better be right. Although, to be honest, I don’t think I could stop crying right now if I wanted to.**

 

Good, that’s good. Come on, come on, _come on!_

 

**Cecil! Something’s starting to happen!**

 

What, what?

 

**My cheeks...the tears are getting cold.**

 

Cold...the rain was cold, remember! Oh, please, please, please let me be right!

 

**I think...I think I’m running out of tears.**

 

Almost done, then. Oh my.

 

**What?**

 

It’s-- your tears, Carlos. They’re glowing.

 

**_What?_ **

 

Just softly...a faint blue. Oh my. Now they’re...starting to float.

 

**I can see that now….they’re beautiful.**

 

Vapor...just vapor.

 

**Open the window, Cecil.**

 

Yes, yes, of course.

 

... _snap click creak_

 

…

 

**Oh, I think you were right, Cecil. That’s...that was something else.**

 

You know what else, Carlos? I’m looking at these wires along the outside of the building here by the window...there’s the transmission wire. Looks like it got tangled with another wire and...there’s this big blob of green goo...no wonder the transmission got stuck on broadcast. That’s...hey, that’s some of the adhesive from the back of the Organic Art painting! What’s this other…

 

Ah. Oh. The other wire that got tangled...was the incoming signal wire. That means...I bet we haven’t been able to receive incoming signals since Organic Art Day! Hmmpf. So people _could_ have been trying to contact us and--Carlos?

 

_scrape snap_

 

Carlos? What--why are you out again? No, no, no, no, Carlos, wake up. The incubation was harmless, remember? Harmless. Don’t...don’t let me be wrong. Come on, Carlos! We were...we were so close. Look-- nobody from StrexCorp anywhere around here. We’re fine. Totally safe. Just...come on, wake up.

 

Maybe...maybe you were wrong. Maybe I wasn’t the scientist you thought I could be. So come on, wake up and prove me wrong, please. So close, Carlos. So close.

 

...

 

Or maybe...maybe someone else knows something! If the incoming signal wire was all caught up...

 

_snap creak_

 

Come here, you nasty goo...bleh. Come-- there you go.

 

_splat_

 

And now, let’s get you wires all sorted...aha!

 

_creak click_

 

Now...anything here…

 

_click click whoosh_

 

Let’s see...yes! Incoming transmission light is on, excellent!

 

_click_

 

Hello? This is Cecil Palmer at Night Vale Community Radio.

 

***Hello? Am I through?***

 

I am hearing you loud and clear, listener.

 

***Oh, I did it! Hey--hey! Everybody! I reached him! Cecil? Mr. Palmer?***

 

Yes?

 

***You don't know me, but I've been listening to your broadcast for as long as I've been permitted by the government to remember. We've been trying to reach you for days! There’s a group of us, a dozen or so, hiding out in the back room at Big Rico's. Some of the hooded figures are helping us. We're not infected-- we didn't eat the pizza spheres, we listened to what you said!***

 

Oh, good! Has anyone...

 

***We don't really know anything more than what you do. But we fought! When you said water was poison to them-- it was like a godsend. We attacked; we gathered a militia of us that remained and we fought! And they died!***

 

Listen, do you know anything else about the incubation? Did anyone on your end fall unconscious just now?

 

***Oh, sorry. Here I am, just babbling on and you have things you want to know. We locked most of the infected ones out. Some of them were getting their minds taken over by the rain. They left and regrouped somewhere else, I think. Better for all of us.***

 

So you've had no contact with them for days?

 

***Oh, no! We keep an eye on them, try to sneak around on the streets around the StrexCorp patrols. About half an hour ago they were all taken over, almost at the exact same time. They all left their shelter and walked to the City Center. We couldn't get any of them to snap out of it.***

 

Carlos said he wanted to go somewhere...but StrexCorp didn't attack them?

 

***No! They followed them to the City Center, and everybody sat down-- it must have been most of the town-- and StrexCorp tied them up.***

 

Just like that?

 

***Yeah. That's when we attacked. We had them surrounded, and took them out with hoses and water brigades! I don't think very many escaped!***

 

That's great news! But what's going on with the people who were infected? Are they okay?

 

***They were themselves again, and they didn't know how they'd ended up tied up in the City Center. Then they all started crying en masse, and...well, you know what happened there.***

 

But what about _now?_

 

***It happened here just like you said with Carlos. The cloud wisps went up into the sky and everybody passed out.***

 

But they're still alive?

 

***Yes. We have people monitoring them in case anything happens, and guarding against StrexCorp employees too.***

 

So you haven't really figured anything else out.

 

***I'm afraid not. Most of our intel came from you, actually. We've been trying to contact you for days to get you in the loop, but we couldn't reach you. Even sent in a couple groups to try to reach the station, but StrexCorp had that place surrounded! They were trying to round up all the people who hadn't been infected yet, I think. Luckily, there were enough of us here to keep them at bay. The Glow Cloud--***

 

***ALL HAIL THE GLOW CLOUD***

ALL HAIL THE GLOW CLOUD

 

***the mayor, and even some of the hooded figures and Sheriff's secret police-- they all helped us keep StrexCorp at bay. I don't think they quite knew how to handle some of us.***

 

That's great!

 

***We've sent patrols out to sweep the city and hunt down the rest of StrexCorp. They won't be ruling our city for much longer.***

 

...but still half the town sleeps.

 

***Over half for sure, but...yeah.***

 

Listen, I'm going to leave this channel open and sit with Carlos. Say something if anything changes on your end.

 

***Sure. And Mr. Palmer?***

 

Yes. 

 

***Cecil...just wanted to let you know that we've all been rooting for you out here. And I for one was with you all the way. Except for the part about Khoshekh. I've never met you...but I would have missed you.***

 

...Thank you, listener.

 

***Good-bye for now, then.***

 

Yes. Keep an eye out for any changes on the people in the City Center, would you?

 

***Of course.***

 

... _click swoosh_

 

...

 

You hear that, Carlos? They took out StrexCorp, using the water just like we said. I guess maybe you were right about me saving the town in the end...though I didn't have a direct hand in it. StrexCorp is on the run, and the citizens of Night Vale are hunting them down. Everything would be okay again if you would just wake up. Okay, Carlos? I'll be right here with you...just wake up, Carlos. Please.

 

...

 

...

 

~~~

 

...

 

**...**

 

**...errr**

 

...Carlos? Carlos, can you hear me?

 

**ohhhh...Cecil?**

 

Carlos!

 

**Yeah...wait. I'm...are we dead?**

 

No, no, Carlos! It worked; we were right!

 

***Cecil? Cecil, they're all waking up!***

 

Great, that's great! Carlos is okay too!

 

**Who's that?**

 

A caller-in. The incoming signal cable got tangled with some adhesive canvas goo, and that's why no one called in. The signal was getting scrambled and stuck on the way here!

 

**So...is everyone okay? What about StrexCorp?**

 

***We took care of them. Water works like a charm.***

 

**What about the cloud?**

 

***Gathered all its little cloud wisps and floated off! Clear skies! And I think that heat wave finally broke, too! They must have gotten the toaster turned off.***

 

Hear that? It's okay, Carlos! Everything is going to be okay!

 

**Really? That's...that's...oh, that's just brilliant, Cecil! Come-- oww! ...I think you can untie me now, Cecil. I don't have a stomachache anymore, and the infection seems to have left my body, so there shouldn't be any--**

 

**...**

...

**...**

 

***Oh my. At the risk of interrupting something that sounds very...fun and interesting, I think I'll bow out now....okay. Bye.***

 

_click_

 

...

**...**

...

 

...Carlos, I'm so glad you're okay. For a while there...

 

**Don't worry about it. I'm okay now, and that's all that matters...although I'll be sure to write up a highly detailed report of this whole incident first thing tomorrow morning.**

 

For science?

 

**Yeah. For science.**

 

Tomorrow?

 

**Yeah. Because I'm going to be busy today.**

 

...?

 

 **_We'_ ** **re going to be busy today.**

 

Ah! Well, let me sign off then...hehe. We should be able to stop broadcasting now. And I'll get you some bandages for your wrists **.**

 

Hello, Night Vale? Presumably if you're listening to this, you have been listening to everything that went on in the last five minutes or so. StrexCorp has been defeated, and the infected have been saved! It has been...well, it's been positively awful to be completely honest, and I hope nothing like it ever happens again.

 

Stay tuned for absolutely nothing, because there is no one else in the radio station and I don't know where they are or when they'll be coming back, so stick around for the sound of absolutely nothing for an indefinite period of time. Or, better yet, turn off the radio and go and be with the ones you love and the ones who love you, because I think after what we've just been through we all need to spend some time with our loved ones, and cherish the fact that we are still able to.

 

So with no further ado: hoping you're appreciating everything that you have, that you've been allowed to have by government mandate and luck and the powers that be, good night, Night Vale. Goodnight.

 

….%%....%%....%%

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked it! Thanks for all the comments and kudos!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments always welcome! This is my first time writing NV and I'm a newbie to fanfic too. ;) 
> 
> All the Weather is from obscure artists that I like. Today's Weather was "Happy Joe" by Ron Grainer (the same person who composed the Doctor Who theme song back in 1963).


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